check it out at: http://nickyleong.tumblr.com
it’s been a loooong while.
haven’t written here for some time, my bad. been going through some crazy hard things. some things i just do not want to revisit. life is getting really tough, and i am merely trying to crawl out from this hole.
i am not myself lately.
i don’t know what it is, but i find myself feeling perpetually anxious, weird, afraid, scatterbrained, annoyed, sad, stressed, and just not me. i’m trying hard to process all that i’m going through, but i just don’t know how. i’ve realized that i have a tendency to stuff it & not deal with some of the tough things in my life, simply because i just don’t want to go there. but i’m now starting to see that it’s just far too much to continue on the way i used to. i need to face the music.
time to wake up and smell the roses. realize that i went through an extremely tough school year. went through things i thought i never would, left college with some loose ends not tied, and just utterly overwhelmed by the speed & volume of life transitions that happened in a matter of weeks. i need to realize and acknowledge that summer project was amazing, and now it is over. i’m out in hawaii on my own, & that i’m not having the easiest time learning how to be an adult…time to realize also that im only at the beginning. that i feel broken & struck down, but not destroyed. that i need to actually work through these things. and the first step is acknowledging that i actually have pain in my life.
yet in spite of all these difficulties, i’ve found an overwhelming comfort in the Lord. i’ve never felt more close to Him in my life. it feels like we’re walking hand in hand, and that i never wanna let go. on almost a daily basis He’s revealing things to me, whether it be through people, the word, or my own thoughts. He lets me know He’s there. when i feel like there’s nothing left, He gives me hope.
just the other day, i got this verse: “just as i was with moses, so will i be with you. i will not leave you or forsake you.” -joshua 1:5. how sweet is that? i am not alone.
anyway, prayer would be much appreciated. for strength, for hope, and for complete reliance on the Lord. MAHALO! i will try to update again soon. just been tough finding time with all the busy-ness going on..got friends still visiting til wed, got work, and just trying to figure out life! but yeah, that’s all for now, folks. paycee.
Friday, September 3, 2010
update from tumblr #3: feels like: defeated.
so over this car search thing..i just want my camry back :( first, had my heart set on this one..only to get completely let down (by no fault of the seller, but ya, it’s complicated) & now have to hunt for a car in the midst of starting work & having all my cali friends visiting. ive also had enough shady car people to last me for a long while. after yesterdays long and horrendous experience, i feel just about ready to throw in the towel. butttt, i can’t. because i just need a car that badly. it’s hard not knowing who to trust, how to do this, and even finding people to do this with me. i feel like i can’t even continue this search without a guy there with me. and then im just left feeling like a helpless little girl. and i hate that feeling. bah…
so frustrated with being so incredibly dependent on people & just not being able to get life started here for real. i never realized how much i took having a car for granted. but now, living all the way out in hawaii kai, starting work, & trying to just get around, i realize just how important it is to find one. but yea. ill stop complaining. my bad. im just having a really tough time. please pray. mahalo.
so frustrated with being so incredibly dependent on people & just not being able to get life started here for real. i never realized how much i took having a car for granted. but now, living all the way out in hawaii kai, starting work, & trying to just get around, i realize just how important it is to find one. but yea. ill stop complaining. my bad. im just having a really tough time. please pray. mahalo.
update from tumblr: ohmygosh about to explode into happiness; 2 weeks ago
WHY IS GOD SO GOOD?? i can hardly contain myself.
just had a girl visit earlier this afternoon…and GUESS WHAT?!
i just scored a new roomie!!!!!!!!!!!! i couldn’t be more stoked. she seems way chill & someone who i’ll be able to get along with quite well. gosh, in 1 week- a job, a car, AND a roomie. God really is opening doors for me, and continuing to pour out dem blesssingggsss. ♥
today should be a fun-filled day as well. just finished a quiettime with grant ♥ then got lunch & laying out in my backyard with the wonderful hannapang (: then hanging out with miss taryn later tonight & having a little sleepover! CHEE! we may even have a little pizookie action. HOLLER.
then tomorrow i go in for my first day of work & on friday ALESSANDRA arrives! super stoked.
mm life is so good. god, you are b-e-a-utiful.
oh & another update: i just got a job interview tomorrow :) pray for me?
just had a girl visit earlier this afternoon…and GUESS WHAT?!
i just scored a new roomie!!!!!!!!!!!! i couldn’t be more stoked. she seems way chill & someone who i’ll be able to get along with quite well. gosh, in 1 week- a job, a car, AND a roomie. God really is opening doors for me, and continuing to pour out dem blesssingggsss. ♥
today should be a fun-filled day as well. just finished a quiettime with grant ♥ then got lunch & laying out in my backyard with the wonderful hannapang (: then hanging out with miss taryn later tonight & having a little sleepover! CHEE! we may even have a little pizookie action. HOLLER.
then tomorrow i go in for my first day of work & on friday ALESSANDRA arrives! super stoked.
mm life is so good. god, you are b-e-a-utiful.
oh & another update: i just got a job interview tomorrow :) pray for me?
update from tumblr #2: all growed up. kind of.
today i had my second interview with prudential locations, a real estate agency out here. i’m hoping to get a marketing/production position, and get started on my career. WOAH, did i just say career? why, yes i did. (:
i feel so grown up lately. well, besides the fact that i need to bum rides off people WHEREVER i go. i never realized how tough it would be not having a car! few more weeks though, and then it’s allll mine. anyway, back to me being grown up!
it’s weird having to make all of these decisions and do most everything on my “own”. although i’m learning how to business, i have to give God mad props for just opening up SO many doors in my life.
coming off of project…i’m not gunna lie, i had MAJOR doubts about the decision i made to move here. i was thinking, why am i putting myself in this position? i’m going to be very very uncomfortable. will i even survive? i’m going to have to learn how to do everything on my own. people must think im crazy! (and i am) but then i am constantly being reminded of the great calling God put on my heart early last year. it was a call i could not refuse. and thus, here i am.
i’m not gunna lie though, it’s not always easy being here. i miss cali terribly. i miss my family, my friends, my church, my easy livin. i can’t even begin to tell you how amazing the people are back home that i left behind. i am truly blessed :) i miss you all ♥
but, as i’m maturing and growing older, i’m learning how to be obedient. and without a doubt in my mind, this is where i need to be right now. God is making that very clear. and the funny thing is that i’m actually following! haha. we’ll have to see where He takes me from here.
anyway, tonight i’m going with my friend to an advertising networking event. i’m pretty stoked to be given this opportunity! i’m excited to meet new people and just begin to dig into all the networking that goes with the advertising/marketing world. perhaps i’ll find that this kind of thing is my kind of thing? who knows. we’ll see.
tomorrow my cali roomie OLLIE comes out! i can’t be more stoked. we’re going to have so much fun. and then the 24th my other roomies, KRISTIN & JENN come out too! mini reunion up in hurr. can’t wait to show them around the island in which i now call home (: hopefully work won’t hinder me from going on too many adventures with them… haha. i know we’ll have a good time for sure though. just with that miss JAMIE & EUNICE were coming too! next time though, ya?
but yeah, things are goood here. couldn’t ask for more. GOD IS GOOD.
i feel so grown up lately. well, besides the fact that i need to bum rides off people WHEREVER i go. i never realized how tough it would be not having a car! few more weeks though, and then it’s allll mine. anyway, back to me being grown up!
it’s weird having to make all of these decisions and do most everything on my “own”. although i’m learning how to business, i have to give God mad props for just opening up SO many doors in my life.
coming off of project…i’m not gunna lie, i had MAJOR doubts about the decision i made to move here. i was thinking, why am i putting myself in this position? i’m going to be very very uncomfortable. will i even survive? i’m going to have to learn how to do everything on my own. people must think im crazy! (and i am) but then i am constantly being reminded of the great calling God put on my heart early last year. it was a call i could not refuse. and thus, here i am.
i’m not gunna lie though, it’s not always easy being here. i miss cali terribly. i miss my family, my friends, my church, my easy livin. i can’t even begin to tell you how amazing the people are back home that i left behind. i am truly blessed :) i miss you all ♥
but, as i’m maturing and growing older, i’m learning how to be obedient. and without a doubt in my mind, this is where i need to be right now. God is making that very clear. and the funny thing is that i’m actually following! haha. we’ll have to see where He takes me from here.
anyway, tonight i’m going with my friend to an advertising networking event. i’m pretty stoked to be given this opportunity! i’m excited to meet new people and just begin to dig into all the networking that goes with the advertising/marketing world. perhaps i’ll find that this kind of thing is my kind of thing? who knows. we’ll see.
tomorrow my cali roomie OLLIE comes out! i can’t be more stoked. we’re going to have so much fun. and then the 24th my other roomies, KRISTIN & JENN come out too! mini reunion up in hurr. can’t wait to show them around the island in which i now call home (: hopefully work won’t hinder me from going on too many adventures with them… haha. i know we’ll have a good time for sure though. just with that miss JAMIE & EUNICE were coming too! next time though, ya?
but yeah, things are goood here. couldn’t ask for more. GOD IS GOOD.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
pour em out.
God's just been pouring out crazy blessings on me lately. He certainly doesn't have to, but He does.only but a week ago my teammates left, one by one, to return to the mainland. it felt like my whole world was falling apart. i had no idea that i could cry that much. in fact i'm beginning to think it was straight up unhealthy. haha. having to have like 5 shifts of goodbyes in 1 day with some of your closest friends, AND do repeat the very next day is just no bueno. anyway here are some updates:
project conclusions. undoubtedly one of the greatest summers i have ever had. and most definitely the greatest growth experienced in the shortest amount of time. GOD ROCKED MY WORLD THIS SUMMER. every struggle became a blessing from up above, and in the aftermath of that, a great lesson was learned. i was stretched and pulled, strengthened and uplifted. not only did i grow exponentially on a personal level, but i was also able to experience the overflow of love, growth & energy from my teammates as God continued to pour into us. if i had to sum up what i learned on summer project in one word, i'd have to say that i learned how to FOLLOW. that has always been a struggle for me, and boy did God make that clear. i knew it'd be hard, but i also knew that it was something i needed to grow in. it's funny how that works. anyway, God taught me how to follow. and boy was that a valuable lesson indeed :)
'ohana. probably one of the most common things said about going on summer project is that the community you experience is amazing. and soo...i'm about to add to that crowd. we truly were and are an 'OHANA. whether we were laughing, crying, praying, talking, joking, playing, dancing, traveling, or just BEING together, it was an 'ohana. i don't really know how else to explain it. it might've been the first time i'd experienced such a safe environment in a group THIS big. i told some of them things i'd never told people before, admitted convictions that i so dreadfully was ashamed of, experienced healing in ways i didn't know existed, and grew closer with one another as we grew closer to God. but now that most everyone is gone, i'm not gunna lie, PPD (post-project depression) is starting to set in. like it said before, it feels like a little bit of me went home with my 29 other teammates, and i just don't feel complete. i guess now i'll just have to focus my energy to finding a way to get to epic conference for a reunion! EHSP 2010, i love & miss you ALL so so much.
job. car. roomie. and nowww we talk about the other blessings. (in reference to the title; cuz He sure has been pouring out those blessings!) on tuesday, i felt like such ka-ka. i felt like i was drowning in this mess of moving & starting my new life here. but within 24 hours, it was a complete 180. in case i didn't realize that GOD PROVIDES after the crazy shenanigans we went through raising $60,000 in 1.5 days at briefing, God surely reminded me again when he poured out his blessings on wednesday. now first of all, let me start this off by saying that i have a more than amazing friend named kaiser who has hooked me up left and right. not only with the job & car bigger shtuff, but with the schmall kine things too, like rides and such! mahalooo (: anyway, this blog is getting quite lengthy so i'll just say what it is & just know that these are huge blessings.
- job: say hello to the newest employee of true religion ala moana! haha. i am going to continue searching for a job within my career field, but until then, this lady needs mooola!
- car: will soon be the proud owner of a black 1994 honda accord coupe. 68k mi. did i say 68k?!?!?! yes i did. with the paint job still beautifully in tact, and the inside sound system upgraded, this car is SUCH a steal. only bummer is that i won't be getting it until the beginning of september =/ sad panda!
- roomie: we have a girl coming to check it out on monday! cheeee. my rent will soon be lowered and i will be a happy camper.
anyway. AH. what is wrong with me? up late every night seems like. peaceee.
P.S.! tomorrow i get to see JBOOG at the shack! finaaalllllyyy a show to go to. chee!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
one by one.
one by one they go... i've never had to say so many goodbyes in such a short span of time.
it's almost unbearable. it's like a little piece of me goes as each one of my teammates departs from the island. it's really starting to set in how much i miss them, and not all of them have even left!
please pray for me. i'm overwhelmed. no car, no job, no bank, not much at all. i can't even begin to think about how i'm going to figure all this out. only God is going to be the one to pull me out from all this...
anyway. i really need some rest. please pray.
love, nicky.
it's almost unbearable. it's like a little piece of me goes as each one of my teammates departs from the island. it's really starting to set in how much i miss them, and not all of them have even left!
please pray for me. i'm overwhelmed. no car, no job, no bank, not much at all. i can't even begin to think about how i'm going to figure all this out. only God is going to be the one to pull me out from all this...
anyway. i really need some rest. please pray.
love, nicky.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
digging deeper.
man oh man, if only i could find the time...to talk about all of the things that i am experiencing.
these last few days have been in best way, FULL. full in schedule, full in experience, full in blessings, full in GOD. i've learned a lot bout myself, and i can feel God's hand over all of it. i would say though, that i may not be in the best place to write it at the moment. it's 12:22am, i'm suppperrr tired, and probably a bit cranky.
it wouldn't do my experiences justice if i tried to talk about them all now.
but short recap? ya sure.
1. SUNDAY: church, got to play with the keikis! such a blessing to be around children. then got to spend time as a church group, FINALLY. at kahala mandarin! so cool getting to spend the afternoon with friends outside our church group as well (: (robbyn, jo, gino, hanna & matt!)
2. MONDAY: free day! went crepes no ka oi, pillbox hike, lanikai<3<3 one of the best days i've had in a while. got to do an all girls thanggg & get some good quality time in!
3. TUESDAY: discouraging campustime, but AMAZING weekly meeting. SO SO GOOD! oh & amazing simply ono timee.
4. WEDNESDAY: LEGIT campus time. connections up the wazoo! god is so good. long day though.
anyway, there's the recap (: more details to follow. i finally feel like i'm getting the hang of things. just gotta deal with the inner ish a bittt. God will lead me through it though.
TIME FOR SLEEP NOW! i shall update later♥
nightnight. <3nickayy.
these last few days have been in best way, FULL. full in schedule, full in experience, full in blessings, full in GOD. i've learned a lot bout myself, and i can feel God's hand over all of it. i would say though, that i may not be in the best place to write it at the moment. it's 12:22am, i'm suppperrr tired, and probably a bit cranky.
it wouldn't do my experiences justice if i tried to talk about them all now.
but short recap? ya sure.
1. SUNDAY: church, got to play with the keikis! such a blessing to be around children. then got to spend time as a church group, FINALLY. at kahala mandarin! so cool getting to spend the afternoon with friends outside our church group as well (: (robbyn, jo, gino, hanna & matt!)
2. MONDAY: free day! went crepes no ka oi, pillbox hike, lanikai<3<3 one of the best days i've had in a while. got to do an all girls thanggg & get some good quality time in!
3. TUESDAY: discouraging campustime, but AMAZING weekly meeting. SO SO GOOD! oh & amazing simply ono timee.
4. WEDNESDAY: LEGIT campus time. connections up the wazoo! god is so good. long day though.
anyway, there's the recap (: more details to follow. i finally feel like i'm getting the hang of things. just gotta deal with the inner ish a bittt. God will lead me through it though.
TIME FOR SLEEP NOW! i shall update later♥
nightnight. <3nickayy.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
lil update for ya (;
feedback, por favor? should i post more videos or just stick to what i know? hahaha. ♥ you all!
Sunday, July 4, 2010
let's bring it back, ohh, let's bring it back (:
so i'm dedicating this entry to my endeavors & happenings, as opposed to my feelings. hahaha oh boy.
anyways, so as i mentioned before, we arrived june 20 (father's day, i know!) and have been here for about two weeks, tomorrow (:
the first week went pretty slowly, i must admit--but man, in this past week it's been carazzyy fast! i can't imagine how fast the next 4 weeks are going to go. but yeah, so basically we're on a pretty regular schedule now, consisting of 3 days a week of campus time, 1 day a week of community outreach, 1-2 days a week of free time, about 4 days a week team training, 1 day a week women's time, and 1 day a week 'ohana time. now if you could picture this, it's a pretty packed schedule! the first week took a lot out of me to adjust, but this second week was much easier. (or maybe i just learned how to adjust to the time. ha!)
so basically during campus time, we're reaching out to the students, via surveys, KGP, regular conversation, and any other outreach tactic we choose. while the first week was fairly difficult for me to meet people, i found this past week to be much more successful. annalynn and i paired up and had a sweet conversation with a girl named brooke on wednesday! it was cool to just have a chill conversation with someone new (:
i got to experience that feeling again the next day, as daniel and i were able to meet a few new people at leeward community college. so stoked that one of the guys we met even came and hung out with us yesterday at ala moana! god truly does answer prayers, and i am beginning to see how powerful that truly is.
for instance, today lisa, mark and i went sharing at ala moana mall and prayed for God to lead us into a conversation. only a few minutes later, we spot a girl from across the mall & decide to approach her. and WOW, immediately God opened up the conversation for us. we found out that she was a student about our age from australia who was interning in NY and was currently in HI visiting her friend from her internship. crazy, ya? anyway, we used the quest survey and found out that she was highly interested in pursuing a deeper relationship with God. and let me tell youuu. i tend to think that things like surveys, the KGP, etc. are very difficult and aren't something i generally like to use when sharing, but this time God put it to work! haha. it really opened my eyes to see that people really DO desire to know God, and that conversations like these really DO just happen, even randomly in a mall. it just encouraged me to take that leap of faith and know that God can truly use me/you at any time and at any place. i'll have to keep that in mind as i continue to share throughout project & beyond (;
OH, and another component of this summer project is GROUPS. ohh mahhh gahhh we have a million groups. haha. we have a church group (split up between 4 different churches that we're partnering with and serving--about 10-15 people per church), discipleship group (consisting of about 2-3 people per staff person), bible study group (2 discipleship groups put together), campus groups (about 10-12 students split between 3 campuses--UH Manoa, KCC, HPU), team committees (about 10 different committee groups to handle all the tasks and duties for the team; mine's weekly meeting group--we basically organize the weekly meeting!), and lastly men's/women's time groups (self explanitory!). dang. yaaa so basically we are spliced and diced up in many many ways. it's pretty cool thought to see how necessary it is to break things down to that we can reach more and be more effective.
kaydenn. time for sleep! gots church & beach tmro♥
SHOOTS!
Friday, July 2, 2010
i am smiling.
the picture above just depicts the serenity and joy that i am now currently experiencing in my heart. today was the day where understanding really started to set in. today was the day that i could finally see through the clouds. today was the day where i could just be me.
today was a good day.
...i know i said i'd continue on with my "who am i?" series, but i feel like i just need to PRAISE GOD with this entry.
lately i've been walking through some pretty tough ish, but today God just relieved me from that pain.
Instead of my usual University of Hawai`i campus outreach time, today i got to go with about 7 other students towards the leeward side of the island to pray over Leeward Community College. goshhh it was a beautiful day! and i was especially stoked that i got to spend it with a completely different group than i was used to. i'd say we had some great bonding time today (:
anyway, we paired off and set out to walk around the campus and pray for it at the same time. and during that time, God reminded me that he truly does answer prayers. we began praying for the campus, and more specifically even a conversation with someone to gain some insight to the school. now this was somewhat of a big request, as the campus was ghostly. there was no one to be found! in fact i didn't even think that summer school was in session. haha. anyway, daniel and i walk into the cafeteria & lo and behold, 3 local guys were chillin at a table together. daniel ended up initiating a conversation with them, and before you know it, daniel and i had joined them at their table, and were able to talk to them for their remainder of their break time (: it was just a sweet sweet time to just connect and know that God completely provided this conversation for us. it was especially uplifting for me, because i have been struggling with meeting people over the past week and a half.
so after an amazing time on campus, we journeyed on to poke stop. OM NOM NOM! wow, so good. i love poke. and this place was gooood. haha. i highly recommend it to any of you out here on the island! anyway, after that we ventured on to Nich's favorite beach: Nanakuli (or nanakooli, for you, koho. HAHA) i'm starting to think it might be my new favorite beach too! i'd never been there before, and boy was it beaautifulll. i want to go back already! it was just an awesome time that we got to spend together and bond while praying over the campus. it was my sweet escape♥
and to top it off, i ended up going to Chi Alpha's weekly meeting with Grace, Mark, Sarah & Kentaro. the speaker for the night, Eric, truly spoke to my heart. ohhh gosh. it was just one of those talks where God completely took over and spoke such crazy truth through him. i was taken aback, engrossed in, and utterly captivated by his talk.
it was exactly what i needed to hear.
to sum it up, Eric broke it down into 4 types of "ships" that are integral to our growth and effectiveness as both Christians and campus evangelizers.
- ownership
- worship
- discipleship
- stewardship
kk, moi moi time (: have a good night errbody! ps, check out the new video i posted on FB, you'll be literally ROFL-ing. hahahaha.
aloha nui loa, nickkayyy!
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
who am i?: part 1
last night we had our second women's time. leading up to project, i never ever would've thought that i'd be so greatly affected by this time. i've always struggled with this time, and never expected it to be this intense for me. but shoot, God's just crazy like that.
in reflection of last night, i've begun to ask the question of, "who am i?". just like the zoolander movie clip, i don't know. all my life i've struggled with identity, and now i feel like i'm finally beginning to unpack the deepest parts of it. i think i'm going to share this in a series though. cuz it's just gunna be too dang long otherwise!
anyways, it all started with questioning and wanting to understand my identity as a woman. for a good chunk of my life i found it hard to accept the fact that i was a girl. i have three brothers, a million boy cousins, and just have surrounded myself with boys (as well as my select few close girlfriends) for as long as i can remember. so many times i'd think to myself how much i HATED being a girl. how hard it was for me, and how much i didn't fit in--as both a boy and a girl.
especially with my brothers. when i was about 9 years old, my parents moved my oldest younger brother out of our room and into the room next door with my 2 other younger brothers. i remember how utterly alone i felt, and how i didn't understand why i was so different that they had to move him. although we were separated by just 1 thin wall, i felt as if i was forced to be by myself for some unknown reason. and so, to avoid this feeling, i proceeded to spend an entire year sharing a bed with my oldest younger brother in their room every night. i'd go in my room to change in the day, and store my stuff there, but i'd spend all the rest of my time in their room. i never wanted to be alone. i never wanted to be separated. (cute, ya? the 4 of us. hahaha) but yeah, i think that might've been the first time i truly questioned my identity as a woman.
later in life, i continued to cling to men. i grew up in middle school desperate for a boy, desperate for someone to like me the way i liked them. someone i thought that i could connect with. although i did have a group of girlfriends, deep down inside i knew i would drop them in a minute for that one boy. and as my freshman year in high school hit, that is exactly what happened. i had my first boyfriend and i literally dropped all of my friends for him. i thought that this one guy could satisfy everything i needed. i felt that no girl could ever understand me the way that a guy could. and boy was i wrong.
but then God captured my heart. when i was 18, he showed me that no girl OR guy could ever amount to the great love and understanding that He would have for me.
and although it took many years to come out of feeling like i previously had, i feel i still struggle with with this. i still feel vastly different, deep down inside. i still feel out of place with both men and women . even though i have learned to LOVE women, and even learned to see and value the connections i have with them, i still very much suffer from understanding my identity as a woman. last night was revisiting those feelings. and realizing that YES, i am a woman. and that YES, there are differences that i experience, but that God has made me exactly the way I was supposed to me. that i am his workmanship. oh gosh, there is so so much more. and i am still struggling profusely with this topic in my life. still feeling different, still feeling alone. but i'm a work in progress, and i know that God will deliver me.
psalm 139 has been hugely affecting me this past week. i encourage you all to check it out (:
anyway, intense stuff! gotta rush to campus time now. i'm late. oopppsss.
much love<3, nicky.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
you set me free.
so i've tried about 4 times now to write a blog entry. WITH NO AVAIL! hahaha. ima keep this short, just so that i can actually finish something. haha.
let's just start this off with the honest truth. i'm walking through some ish right now. haha there, i said it! truth is out. i truly am learning to breathe. and it's funny, because i feel like i blog about that quite often!
anyway, although i'm going through some things right now, i feel like God just has the perfect timing. right when i'm at the height of it, he sends that perfect person into your life at the precise moment that you need it. HE DRAWS YOU NEAR. even when you feel like you don't have the energy, strength, or heart to reach a little further, God just scoops us up into His arms and brings us closer to Him. closer to love.
Today God picked me up through a conversation with my college roommate, jamie♥. however short it was, i must say that it was SO SWEET. it was one of those conversations where i just knew that God was speaking through her during the conversation. wow. now that's a blessing. just hearing from someone i used to talk to EVERYDAY was such a calming relief. and then for her to tell me about her amazing 1st week in Japan on summer project was so cool. and to top it off, for her to speak such truth into my life was more than profound.
i knew there was something different about today.
i love that God speaks to me. i love that He never lets me go. i love that He chooses to work THROUGH people, including me. i love that He loves me.
and although i'm not exactly having the easiest time, i'm being crazy blessed with comfort left and right. i need to constantly remind myself that everything really is going to be okay. because God's in control. and he's got this!
anyway, time to go on a date with my discipler<3 more later. please pray (:
♥nicky
let's just start this off with the honest truth. i'm walking through some ish right now. haha there, i said it! truth is out. i truly am learning to breathe. and it's funny, because i feel like i blog about that quite often!
anyway, although i'm going through some things right now, i feel like God just has the perfect timing. right when i'm at the height of it, he sends that perfect person into your life at the precise moment that you need it. HE DRAWS YOU NEAR. even when you feel like you don't have the energy, strength, or heart to reach a little further, God just scoops us up into His arms and brings us closer to Him. closer to love.
Today God picked me up through a conversation with my college roommate, jamie♥. however short it was, i must say that it was SO SWEET. it was one of those conversations where i just knew that God was speaking through her during the conversation. wow. now that's a blessing. just hearing from someone i used to talk to EVERYDAY was such a calming relief. and then for her to tell me about her amazing 1st week in Japan on summer project was so cool. and to top it off, for her to speak such truth into my life was more than profound.
i knew there was something different about today.
i love that God speaks to me. i love that He never lets me go. i love that He chooses to work THROUGH people, including me. i love that He loves me.
and although i'm not exactly having the easiest time, i'm being crazy blessed with comfort left and right. i need to constantly remind myself that everything really is going to be okay. because God's in control. and he's got this!
anyway, time to go on a date with my discipler<3 more later. please pray (:
♥nicky
Monday, June 21, 2010
and back again (:
ALOHA from O'ahu Hawai'i!
i'm just gunna jump right into it and say that God has already taught me an amazing lesson: HE PROVIDES. while we were at a $60,000 deficit a day and a half prior to leaving, we were able to raise about 3/4 of that and everyone on my team was able to come! it was such a special moment my team and i shared as we we told the good news (: BIG MAHALO to all you who supported my team and i both financially and prayerfully. i was so touched by all of your care, efforts, and just LOVE for our mission. and although i still need to raise about $500 more throughout the duration of the project, i am confident that God will provide. I mean, we saw our deficit go from $60,000 to less than $20,000 in a matter of one full DAY. so i ain't trippin (; but that's crazy, ah?
anyway, we arrived here safely at around 11am HI time yesterday! can't believe we're actually here. we had a smooth flight, and a chill move-in. the dorms here are SO nice. much better than my crappy trash can dorms last summer! haha. i'm living in a suite with the beautiful annalynn as my roommate! amanda and her roommate rebecca are our suitemates. SO BLESSED to have such an awesome suite♥
also, can i just say. the rooms have AIR CONDITION! hallelujah. such and upgrade from last year. haha. it's always nice to come back to a cool room (; they're the newest dorms on campus, with all new furniture and all. i'm quite excited to be living here for the next month and a half.
aside from all that jazz, some feelings i've been experiencing lately have been somewhat surprising for me? i think i'm just in a really weird state of mind after leaving california. i think i still just haven't had the chance to process all of the recent BIG changes i've been through. from finishing up with Epic, to graduating, to moving out, and saying goodbye to all my college friends, from saying goodbye and leaving my family, friends, and grant at home, to packing my life away to move here to HI, to briefing, and now arriving here in HI. EESH that's a lot! and to be honest, i haven't really thought through a lot of it. right now i'm feeling a lot of mixed stuff, with being excited for project and finally arriving in HI, to just missing california and home SO SO much. not that i'm one who gets homesick easily, but it's more of the realization that i may not be returning home for a very long long time. and moreover, realizing that Hawai'i is my new home. it is so surreal! i'm just thankful that i am on project first to ease into it and prepare my heart for this huge life change.
GOD IS SO GOOD THOUGH. He continually comforts me, and reminds me that He indeed has called me to be here, learning to love and serve His people--the people of Hawai'i. it was a calling that was far too strong to turn down, and one that i knew would be in some ways difficult for me. i'm excited to unfold the things He'll be teaching me and my team this summer, and just the amazing experiences we're about to have!
speaking of which, we went to waimea bay today (: surprisingly, i hadn't been to this beach before! i absolutely loved it. the weather was amazing, and the water was crystal clear. OH, and i even jumped off the big rock! about 2 stories or more in height, i still can't believe i leaped off that thang. from the highway it seems so enormous! haha i think it was much easier because i strategized and decided that i would not look over the edge until it was my turn to jump, and then i'd just do it without looking. HA! i know, scaredy cat, me (; whate'er, i still did it. haha. anyway, all in all a fun & relaxing day!
i'm not sure how the rest of the week will pan out, but i hope to be able to blog again very soon! thanks all for your support and love (: and just for reading this!
until next time,
<3nicky.
OH and PS. here's my address if you wanna be penpals with me!
Nicky Leong
EPIC Movement
2569 Dole St.
Honolulu, HI 96822
i'm just gunna jump right into it and say that God has already taught me an amazing lesson: HE PROVIDES. while we were at a $60,000 deficit a day and a half prior to leaving, we were able to raise about 3/4 of that and everyone on my team was able to come! it was such a special moment my team and i shared as we we told the good news (: BIG MAHALO to all you who supported my team and i both financially and prayerfully. i was so touched by all of your care, efforts, and just LOVE for our mission. and although i still need to raise about $500 more throughout the duration of the project, i am confident that God will provide. I mean, we saw our deficit go from $60,000 to less than $20,000 in a matter of one full DAY. so i ain't trippin (; but that's crazy, ah?
anyway, we arrived here safely at around 11am HI time yesterday! can't believe we're actually here. we had a smooth flight, and a chill move-in. the dorms here are SO nice. much better than my crappy trash can dorms last summer! haha. i'm living in a suite with the beautiful annalynn as my roommate! amanda and her roommate rebecca are our suitemates. SO BLESSED to have such an awesome suite♥
also, can i just say. the rooms have AIR CONDITION! hallelujah. such and upgrade from last year. haha. it's always nice to come back to a cool room (; they're the newest dorms on campus, with all new furniture and all. i'm quite excited to be living here for the next month and a half.
aside from all that jazz, some feelings i've been experiencing lately have been somewhat surprising for me? i think i'm just in a really weird state of mind after leaving california. i think i still just haven't had the chance to process all of the recent BIG changes i've been through. from finishing up with Epic, to graduating, to moving out, and saying goodbye to all my college friends, from saying goodbye and leaving my family, friends, and grant at home, to packing my life away to move here to HI, to briefing, and now arriving here in HI. EESH that's a lot! and to be honest, i haven't really thought through a lot of it. right now i'm feeling a lot of mixed stuff, with being excited for project and finally arriving in HI, to just missing california and home SO SO much. not that i'm one who gets homesick easily, but it's more of the realization that i may not be returning home for a very long long time. and moreover, realizing that Hawai'i is my new home. it is so surreal! i'm just thankful that i am on project first to ease into it and prepare my heart for this huge life change.
GOD IS SO GOOD THOUGH. He continually comforts me, and reminds me that He indeed has called me to be here, learning to love and serve His people--the people of Hawai'i. it was a calling that was far too strong to turn down, and one that i knew would be in some ways difficult for me. i'm excited to unfold the things He'll be teaching me and my team this summer, and just the amazing experiences we're about to have!
speaking of which, we went to waimea bay today (: surprisingly, i hadn't been to this beach before! i absolutely loved it. the weather was amazing, and the water was crystal clear. OH, and i even jumped off the big rock! about 2 stories or more in height, i still can't believe i leaped off that thang. from the highway it seems so enormous! haha i think it was much easier because i strategized and decided that i would not look over the edge until it was my turn to jump, and then i'd just do it without looking. HA! i know, scaredy cat, me (; whate'er, i still did it. haha. anyway, all in all a fun & relaxing day!
i'm not sure how the rest of the week will pan out, but i hope to be able to blog again very soon! thanks all for your support and love (: and just for reading this!
until next time,
<3nicky.
OH and PS. here's my address if you wanna be penpals with me!
Nicky Leong
EPIC Movement
2569 Dole St.
Honolulu, HI 96822
Friday, June 18, 2010
r e a l i t y.
now originally, i thought that my next post would be all about graduation, my transition, and the crazy feelings i've been feeling since having to say goodbye to my friends and family. and although i will eventually get there, there has been a much bigger pressing on my heart that i feel compelled to write about.
as many of you know, i left on thursday to come to Costa Mesa, California for summer project briefing until we take off on sunday! (briefing is a small conference where all of EPIC's summer short term missions trips come together and prepare for our upcoming trips) since arriving, i've literally hit the ground running with activities, messages, and just time spent with my brothers and sisters. although it has been lots of fun thus far, reality hit this afternoon as our staff directors announced that as a team, we still needed to raise $60,000. and that potentially some of our team members would not be able to go.
this immediately sent my thoughts and feelings into a flurry of emotions, as i wondered how $60,000 was even possible to be in a deficit in, how we were going to raise that much money in TWO DAYS, and how badly I felt for contributing to that total. i myself have $1,000 left to raise. and although that sounds like a minuscule amount in comparison to the grandiose total of $60,000, $1,000 is still a significant amount that i still very much need to raise!
i'm trying hard not to be discouraged, and i'm trying hard to depend on God. but i'll be honest with you all, it's not easy. with 30 other team members running around feeling just as stressed as i am, it feels like we're just all going crazy! but my God is a god of COMFORT.
today during worship, the song, "Be the Centre" was played. it'd been almost 1 year since i last heard that song (or at least that i can remember? haha). anyway, that song brought me back to my art project back in junior year --> where it was the most LABOR INTENSIVE, emotionally, and physically exhausting project i have EVER completed. and it was based off of this song, where i wanted to share with as many people on my campus as possible this great love i've found in God.
throughout the process of installing my project, it took a LOT of faith and dependence on God, that he would carry me through this. i worked hours upon hours both planning, installing, and de-installing it.
This is how I feel about raising the rest of our support. i'm going to have to fully trust that God will provide, not only for me, but for my teammates as well. it's going to require a lot of time, energy, emotions, and prayer. i have $1000 to raise by sunday. but my God is the reason. He'll be the one to bring in the rest, and He's the reason my heart lies in Hawai'i. i know that He will provide.
i would love if any of you could, first and foremost, PRAY.
-pray for my team, as we work towards raising $60,000 together, as we push through our last day in California, and just for their hearts to be ready and willing as we begin project together!
-pray for my support, as i work towards raising my final $1,000 and just learn how to trust in God.
-pray for Hawai'i! the harvest is plenty, but the laborers are few
For those of you who know me well, or even don't know me well, know that i have a HUGE heart for Hawai'i. God has been calling me there since last summer, and has placed this overwhelming desire within me to just serve there. I've been so so blessed with this opportunity to go there, and i'm almost there! i just have $1,000 left to raise.
And if you even feel that God has placed on your heart to give financially, I would appreciate that so so much as well. I'm trying to ask 20 people to contribute $50, but really, ANYTHING HELPS! Even $5. You can mail checks to
-EPIC Movement
Attn: Lucy Kaneshiro
16 Technology Dr. Ste. #205
Irvine, CA 92618
Or you can give online at: https://give.ccci.org/give/View/5554181, but please let me know how much you've decided to give so that i can properly thank you!
And lastly, if you do feel called to give, I just ask that you would do this as soon as possible, and please let me know how much because we need to turn in our figures by sunday and i would also like to thank you as soon as possible!
thank you all so much for just bearing with me, and listening to me ramble. through it all, i am so blessed.
amen.
<3nicky
as many of you know, i left on thursday to come to Costa Mesa, California for summer project briefing until we take off on sunday! (briefing is a small conference where all of EPIC's summer short term missions trips come together and prepare for our upcoming trips) since arriving, i've literally hit the ground running with activities, messages, and just time spent with my brothers and sisters. although it has been lots of fun thus far, reality hit this afternoon as our staff directors announced that as a team, we still needed to raise $60,000. and that potentially some of our team members would not be able to go.
this immediately sent my thoughts and feelings into a flurry of emotions, as i wondered how $60,000 was even possible to be in a deficit in, how we were going to raise that much money in TWO DAYS, and how badly I felt for contributing to that total. i myself have $1,000 left to raise. and although that sounds like a minuscule amount in comparison to the grandiose total of $60,000, $1,000 is still a significant amount that i still very much need to raise!
i'm trying hard not to be discouraged, and i'm trying hard to depend on God. but i'll be honest with you all, it's not easy. with 30 other team members running around feeling just as stressed as i am, it feels like we're just all going crazy! but my God is a god of COMFORT.
today during worship, the song, "Be the Centre" was played. it'd been almost 1 year since i last heard that song (or at least that i can remember? haha). anyway, that song brought me back to my art project back in junior year --> where it was the most LABOR INTENSIVE, emotionally, and physically exhausting project i have EVER completed. and it was based off of this song, where i wanted to share with as many people on my campus as possible this great love i've found in God.
throughout the process of installing my project, it took a LOT of faith and dependence on God, that he would carry me through this. i worked hours upon hours both planning, installing, and de-installing it.
This is how I feel about raising the rest of our support. i'm going to have to fully trust that God will provide, not only for me, but for my teammates as well. it's going to require a lot of time, energy, emotions, and prayer. i have $1000 to raise by sunday. but my God is the reason. He'll be the one to bring in the rest, and He's the reason my heart lies in Hawai'i. i know that He will provide.
i would love if any of you could, first and foremost, PRAY.
-pray for my team, as we work towards raising $60,000 together, as we push through our last day in California, and just for their hearts to be ready and willing as we begin project together!
-pray for my support, as i work towards raising my final $1,000 and just learn how to trust in God.
-pray for Hawai'i! the harvest is plenty, but the laborers are few
For those of you who know me well, or even don't know me well, know that i have a HUGE heart for Hawai'i. God has been calling me there since last summer, and has placed this overwhelming desire within me to just serve there. I've been so so blessed with this opportunity to go there, and i'm almost there! i just have $1,000 left to raise.
And if you even feel that God has placed on your heart to give financially, I would appreciate that so so much as well. I'm trying to ask 20 people to contribute $50, but really, ANYTHING HELPS! Even $5. You can mail checks to
-EPIC Movement
Attn: Lucy Kaneshiro
16 Technology Dr. Ste. #205
Irvine, CA 92618
Or you can give online at: https://give.ccci.org/give/View/5554181, but please let me know how much you've decided to give so that i can properly thank you!
And lastly, if you do feel called to give, I just ask that you would do this as soon as possible, and please let me know how much because we need to turn in our figures by sunday and i would also like to thank you as soon as possible!
thank you all so much for just bearing with me, and listening to me ramble. through it all, i am so blessed.
amen.
<3nicky
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
i've missed you.
dang, it's been a while! i've been very busy lately, and that is an understatement!
God has been SO good though. short recap on my life as of late(which I will expand upon later, once I get the chance):
all of this brings great comfort to my heart, as i gasp for air on a daily basis. i find myself nearly drowning in all of my back-to-back daily activities, and wondering how i'll be able to get it all together before time runs out. which brings me to my next point of...nostalgia. it can be defined as "longing for something past", however that which i am nostalgic about, has not yet passed. perhaps it's the anticipation of it all. i've come to the conclusion that I AM NOT READY TO LEAVE COLLEGE. these past 4 years truly have been the most amazing i've experienced thus far. just thinking about the radical life changes we're all about to embark on make me feel both excited and petrified simultaneously. the community i'll be leaving, the relationships, the lifestyle, and for goodness sake, EPIC. ohhh gosh, i get so melancholy thinking about it all. But au contraire, i know that God has something very specific and very amazing planned for each and every one of us. Whether we've figured out this calling or not, it's there, and it's coming! now that is a blessing in itself :)
i'll have to keep this in mind, as i finish up a few things this week: bible study, EPIC, and Iaorana te Otea (which, by the way, you should ALL come to my Performance this Saturday @ 7pm!!). These are the activities that I probably pour most of my time into, and I'm not even sure how I'll be feeling once it's all over. (i'll let ya know once I get there, haha). anyway, just trying to keep it real. and let it all out there. MAH BAD for taking so long to post! i hope you're all hangin in there, handling school business and whatnot. YOU GOT THIS! ♥
until next timeee...
aloha nui loa,
nickkayyy
God has been SO good though. short recap on my life as of late(which I will expand upon later, once I get the chance):
- i received and completed my first assignment for my new internship! i am hoping to have some of my photographs published in the fall issue of SB Seasons Magazine :)
- jessica's bachelorette party --my very first one. i LOVE this girl.
- EPIC SLO friends visited<3<3<3
- senior send off. made me cryyyyy :(
- jen peet's bridal shower: SO cute
- I GOT BAPTIZED!
- Non-stop rehearsals/practices for ITO (polynesian dancing club on campus). our biggest performance of the year is THIS SATURDAY. ayeee! a little overwhelmed with trying to master the 7 dances & 1 duet I'll be in, plus finishing my costume.
all of this brings great comfort to my heart, as i gasp for air on a daily basis. i find myself nearly drowning in all of my back-to-back daily activities, and wondering how i'll be able to get it all together before time runs out. which brings me to my next point of...nostalgia. it can be defined as "longing for something past", however that which i am nostalgic about, has not yet passed. perhaps it's the anticipation of it all. i've come to the conclusion that I AM NOT READY TO LEAVE COLLEGE. these past 4 years truly have been the most amazing i've experienced thus far. just thinking about the radical life changes we're all about to embark on make me feel both excited and petrified simultaneously. the community i'll be leaving, the relationships, the lifestyle, and for goodness sake, EPIC. ohhh gosh, i get so melancholy thinking about it all. But au contraire, i know that God has something very specific and very amazing planned for each and every one of us. Whether we've figured out this calling or not, it's there, and it's coming! now that is a blessing in itself :)
i'll have to keep this in mind, as i finish up a few things this week: bible study, EPIC, and Iaorana te Otea (which, by the way, you should ALL come to my Performance this Saturday @ 7pm!!). These are the activities that I probably pour most of my time into, and I'm not even sure how I'll be feeling once it's all over. (i'll let ya know once I get there, haha). anyway, just trying to keep it real. and let it all out there. MAH BAD for taking so long to post! i hope you're all hangin in there, handling school business and whatnot. YOU GOT THIS! ♥
until next timeee...
aloha nui loa,
nickkayyy
Thursday, May 13, 2010
help a sista out!
the cost is a $7 donation (or however much you'd like to give). if you'd like one, please contact me via e-mail for one!
THANK YOU FOR ALL THE SUPPORT and please feel free to "save as" the image & pass on the message for me. (;
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
100 posts!
has it really been 100 posts already?! danggg.
anyway, we'll keep it short & sweet. since that's all i've got to give at the moment. (;
firstly, look at this:
doesn't this just bring a certain peace & happiness to your heart? sure does for me. i long for days like these, where the sun is shining just right, the water is as blue as ever, and your heart is running wild.
this just goes to show that my God truly does go above and beyond in blessing us. he gives us those simple pleasures in life that just leave a sweet sweet mark on your soul, and make you smile when you think of them. (: mm yes, He's that good.
can't get ENOUGH of this image♥
anyway, twas an awfully busy day, and we'll leave it at that! time for beddy bye.
ALOHA AHIAHI IA OUKOU. [i think that's how you say it? ha..poser kama'aina comin' out, ah??]
anyway, we'll keep it short & sweet. since that's all i've got to give at the moment. (;
firstly, look at this:
doesn't this just bring a certain peace & happiness to your heart? sure does for me. i long for days like these, where the sun is shining just right, the water is as blue as ever, and your heart is running wild.
this just goes to show that my God truly does go above and beyond in blessing us. he gives us those simple pleasures in life that just leave a sweet sweet mark on your soul, and make you smile when you think of them. (: mm yes, He's that good.
can't get ENOUGH of this image♥
anyway, twas an awfully busy day, and we'll leave it at that! time for beddy bye.
ALOHA AHIAHI IA OUKOU. [i think that's how you say it? ha..poser kama'aina comin' out, ah??]
Sunday, May 9, 2010
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