big god.

does anyone know when this book comes out? i'm contemplating buying it off amazon but then i didn't know if reality was selling it & perhaps i should buy it through them instead? i dunnooo.  "alls i know" is that i gotta get me one of those!

besides that, just been realizing how difficult design layout is =/ i have all my WORD magazine stuff due on friday & i've only just begun. it's going to be a LONG night tomorrow night. and tonight. ohhh well. better get on that!

night♥

you can call me pandababy.

cause i'm definitely starting to follow the sleeping pattern of one.

went to bed at 9pm last night. CARAZZYYY. then i proceeded to take another multi-hour nap today. WHAT IS THIS?!

i think it means i need more sleep. and i'm not functioning too well on the focusing part.

henceforth, i think i'm going to forego the KP Showcase Performance, so that I can skip Polynesian Practice tonight. i think i need to get right with school =/

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aside from that, can i just say. that i am in love with special olympics?! after going to several practices this weekend, interviewing the athletes, photographing them, and just being a part of the organization that which i work for, i've realized just how much joy it truly brings to my life.  starting back in high school, i used to volunteer at a kids camp for special needs individuals, and then also as a tennis coach through special olympics.  i was so impacted from those experiences alone, that i even wrote about them for my college essays! [haha they're probably the reason i got into UCSB!] continuing on in college, i still can't believe i scored a job with special olympics out here in santa barbara, because initially, i was far from qualified for the position (but i applied anyway). now, culminating into my last few months here working with special olympics, i've realized how much LIFE the athletes bring to my life.

i'm currently working on an expose/documentary of special olympics and the "r-word campaign" (can visit by clicking here) for my photography class. and as much as i was dreading all the work that i have been/would have to put in for it, i'm surprisingly enjoying it very much so.  i think spreading the word to end the word is an extremely important concept, that many are unaware of.  i'd have to say that i hear the word retard on a REGULAR basis. and it saddens me. it honestly stings when i hear it, and it's never even been directed at me. i can't even imagine how an athlete might feel.  in this way, i am soo thankful for this project. and just helping to bring this topic to light. if you have a spare moment, please check out the website! it'd do the world some good to just spread the word.

anyhoo, that's my ramble for the day. haha. i'm clearly trying to avoid doing my hw (;

♥nicky

for the first time.

my heart actually broke for God.

now, i know that sounds like God did something bad and my heart broke for Him, but that's not the case at all. i think i just don't know how else to explain what i'm feeling right now.

so i started reading ezekiel a little while ago, and for 15 chapters, i continued to read about how the Lord was so angry with Israel. the chapters seemed to echo each other, one after another, about how Jerusalem was an "abomination", and how they would be destroyed so that they knew that "I am the Lord".

for a while i thought, okay, i get the point! they were screwing up, and God was gunna do something about it.  i didn't quite understand why it was so repetitive, or even why God was this angry with the people. i began to think, maybe i don't really understand God's wrath afterall. or maybe i'm missing something.  why is this book so hard to read? i was trying to get something out of it to apply to my life. and that was just beyond selfish.  the bible is god's story to us, and we are fortunate enough to be a part of His story.  we're most definitely not here to mold God's story to constantly fit ours.

finally i decided, i'm going to journal about this. i wanted to write down some of the questions i had so that i could ask someone about it or look it up. and while doing it, i just realized how much i didn't understand. how i clearly could not see or understand God's wrath.  i even thought to myself, how would i ever explain this to a nonbeliever? i don't even get it myself.

But God [ha, russell] is just funny like that. and LOW AND BEHOLD, in the very next chapter came all of the answers i was looking for. God really broke it down for me. and i realized, that i was really breaking down for God.  The chapter revealed the whole story, back to the beginning during the creation of israel. the Lord explained how he loved his people so much, how he loved them when they knew no love, clothed them when they had no clothes, and just treated them so well. but then they became "whores", metaphorically [and i'm sure realistically as well], making themselves vaulted chambers at the corner of every street, sacrificing their children [or God's own children, rather], and making shrines for themselves.

God just wanted to love them. He wanted to give them the world.

But they took advantage of that. God says, "So you were different from other women in your whorings. No one solicited you to play the whore, and you gave payment, while no payment was given to you; therefore you were different". Wow, that is the ultimate sentence of disappointment.  that was when my heart just started to break for God.  it's like, we as humans completely stabbed him in the back, when he just wanted to give to us. No wonder He had wrath.  Look at the things we've done! And sooo much more.

It just made me realize how absolutely thankful i am to call Jesus my Lord and Savior.  He didn't have to do these things for me, He didn't have to rescue me from my sins and myself, but He did. and He loves me more than I deserve.

i'm just kind of in awe right now, as i'm slowly starting to peel back the layers and understand the character and traits of the Lord. I'm so grateful that He didn't keep me waiting with all my questions, and that He just revealed the answers to me, and so much more.

TODAY IS GOING TO BE A GOOD DAY. though i have much to do, and lots of work on my plate, i feel so ready to take on the world. the Lord gives me the strength and confidence to do what i gotta do.

i pray that whoever reads this just gets at least a little bit out of it. i don't mean to scare anyone away with all of these deep deep thoughts, but i just pray that you too would one day feel and experience this amazing life that i now know :)

♥nicky

the physical is attacking my emotional.

i am SO tired.

and i should probably go to bed right about now.

butttt. i just felt like blogging. ha!

it's crunch time now.  seems as though everything is piling up all of a sudden. and i think my lack of sleep or time to myself has really taken a toll on my emotional well-being.  i feel somewhat drained at the moment, but i think it's because i'm just physically THAT tired.

tonight's message at epic was rough.  the enemy always seems to have his way with me and public speaking... i was SO excited about this message today. but somehow he weasled his was in, at the most inappropriate time. maybe that's why i'm feeling this way right now? i don't know. I know God's got my back though, He always does. I just can't believe I let the enemy get the best of me, right as I was sharing the message! Bah.

on the bright side though, I had my appointment with the career services counselor today, and I am OH SO excited. she helped me through a lot, including formatting my resume, and doing better job research! we even found a job. that seems perfect for me! there was a listing for this communications group in HI with an opening that seemed to fit me exactly.  So I'm gunna do some more research and apply :) The Lord is so good.

anyway, time to go to bed! pray for me please. i need restttt.

♥nicky

oh mah gahh.

CRAZY WEEK AHEAD OF ME. shall i lay it out for ju?


tuesday

• 9am-1pm: Work
• 1:30pm: Last minute polynesian practice with Lucy
• 6-7pm: EPIC Core Meeting
• 7:30-9:30pm: Polynesian Dance Practice
• 9:30-10pm: performance!
• 10pm-?: Finish writing message for tomorrow and situational analysis

wednesday

• 9-1pm, 2-315pm: Class
• 11:30am-12pm: Career Services Appointment
• 7-9pm: EPIC! [and i'm speaking! ahh]

thursday

• 9am-1pm: Work
• 1:30pm: Lunch date with Tom
• 3pm: Katherine/Nicky time♥
• 5pm: Dinna with Jamie & Ben
• 7:30-9:30pm: Real Life?

friday

• 9am-1pm: Work
• 3-5pm: WORD Magazine
• 5pm: Dim Sum & dance practice with ITO girlss
• 8pm: ashlayyy time?

saturday

• 11am-3pm: EPIC/AACF BBQ
• 7-10pm: S Chi O Polynesian dance performance

Hokay, that's enough with the boring schedule.  Then, this weekend we've got EPIC/AACF Joint bbq, which, I really need to get organized with! Just feelin the heat right now. Always juggling a lot of activities. Yet, surprisingly loving every moment of it (minus the class and work part). I should get back to work now though. Just thought I'd share with you my days :)

♥nicky

my bad day just got worse.

because i don't know how else to express what i'm feeling.

i want.

i should be studying, or getting shtuff done, or even working out.

but no, you will find me on my computer oogling over merchandise on various websites. i've come to the conclusion that i very much want a white watch. and a few other thangss. ha perhaps i'll save up and buy them? i dunno though, now is the time to save! anyway, here's a looksee:

i'm lovin nixon right about now.

little by little.

...it's slowly coming into focus.

trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.

iration-time bomb.

fjdkasfjdklasjf CAN'T WAIT FOR THE NEW ALBUM!

so stoked to go see them feb. 28♥

gettin my ish togetha.

job shtuff is officially underway.

fixed up the resume, cover letter & portfolio this past week! took them into the career center for a drop-in sesh today, and i was pleasantly surprised to find that the counselor was actually impressed.

on most days when i think about my resume, my qualifications, and skills, the first thought that comes to mind is mediocre. in fact, most of the time i feel like the underdog in this whole job qualifications thang. but what i forget to tell myself is that i am in fact very capable. god has blessed me in SO many ways. just making it to a university alone puts us gauchos in the top percentile. add on a job, leadership experience, and extracurriculars, and you've got something to talk about.

i think we all neglect to remind ourselves from time to time that WE CAN DO THIS. that although we're about to be thrust out into the "real world", we have been taught, groomed, and prepared to be successful and contributing individuals in this corporate America we call home. although daunting, i have to admit that it'll be both an interesting and exciting experience to see where we all end up.

so far i have 6 companies in mind that i plan to apply to as soon as i finalize my documents.  my list will continue to grow as the days pass by! i'll keep you all updated on how that goes.


but chyea, just some random blurbs. got a lot on my plate right now, & im tryna stay positive :)


oh and random thought:

i've been suuuper itching to go surfing. but i dont have a wetsuit. and have no desire to buy one if it's over $50, especially if i'm moving to HI next year. oh wellllssss. i guess i'll just continue to suck once i get there. ha!


for now, a nap is sounding quite amazing. i will continue this later!

♥nicky

beautiful lord.

this life was never meant to be easy. and boy am i feeling that now.. just trying to keep my eyes on the lord and being constantly reminded that HE is my strength and my song. that HE is my refuge.

and even though it seems as if everything has started to crumble from beneath me, i will not be shaken. god is blessing me..blessing me with an important lesson in which i must endure.

please pray for me.