check it out at: http://nickyleong.tumblr.com
it’s been a loooong while.
haven’t written here for some time, my bad. been going through some crazy hard things. some things i just do not want to revisit. life is getting really tough, and i am merely trying to crawl out from this hole.
i am not myself lately.
i don’t know what it is, but i find myself feeling perpetually anxious, weird, afraid, scatterbrained, annoyed, sad, stressed, and just not me. i’m trying hard to process all that i’m going through, but i just don’t know how. i’ve realized that i have a tendency to stuff it & not deal with some of the tough things in my life, simply because i just don’t want to go there. but i’m now starting to see that it’s just far too much to continue on the way i used to. i need to face the music.
time to wake up and smell the roses. realize that i went through an extremely tough school year. went through things i thought i never would, left college with some loose ends not tied, and just utterly overwhelmed by the speed & volume of life transitions that happened in a matter of weeks. i need to realize and acknowledge that summer project was amazing, and now it is over. i’m out in hawaii on my own, & that i’m not having the easiest time learning how to be an adult…time to realize also that im only at the beginning. that i feel broken & struck down, but not destroyed. that i need to actually work through these things. and the first step is acknowledging that i actually have pain in my life.
yet in spite of all these difficulties, i’ve found an overwhelming comfort in the Lord. i’ve never felt more close to Him in my life. it feels like we’re walking hand in hand, and that i never wanna let go. on almost a daily basis He’s revealing things to me, whether it be through people, the word, or my own thoughts. He lets me know He’s there. when i feel like there’s nothing left, He gives me hope.
just the other day, i got this verse: “just as i was with moses, so will i be with you. i will not leave you or forsake you.” -joshua 1:5. how sweet is that? i am not alone.
anyway, prayer would be much appreciated. for strength, for hope, and for complete reliance on the Lord. MAHALO! i will try to update again soon. just been tough finding time with all the busy-ness going on..got friends still visiting til wed, got work, and just trying to figure out life! but yeah, that’s all for now, folks. paycee.
Friday, September 3, 2010
update from tumblr #3: feels like: defeated.
so over this car search thing..i just want my camry back :( first, had my heart set on this one..only to get completely let down (by no fault of the seller, but ya, it’s complicated) & now have to hunt for a car in the midst of starting work & having all my cali friends visiting. ive also had enough shady car people to last me for a long while. after yesterdays long and horrendous experience, i feel just about ready to throw in the towel. butttt, i can’t. because i just need a car that badly. it’s hard not knowing who to trust, how to do this, and even finding people to do this with me. i feel like i can’t even continue this search without a guy there with me. and then im just left feeling like a helpless little girl. and i hate that feeling. bah…
so frustrated with being so incredibly dependent on people & just not being able to get life started here for real. i never realized how much i took having a car for granted. but now, living all the way out in hawaii kai, starting work, & trying to just get around, i realize just how important it is to find one. but yea. ill stop complaining. my bad. im just having a really tough time. please pray. mahalo.
so frustrated with being so incredibly dependent on people & just not being able to get life started here for real. i never realized how much i took having a car for granted. but now, living all the way out in hawaii kai, starting work, & trying to just get around, i realize just how important it is to find one. but yea. ill stop complaining. my bad. im just having a really tough time. please pray. mahalo.
update from tumblr: ohmygosh about to explode into happiness; 2 weeks ago
WHY IS GOD SO GOOD?? i can hardly contain myself.
just had a girl visit earlier this afternoon…and GUESS WHAT?!
i just scored a new roomie!!!!!!!!!!!! i couldn’t be more stoked. she seems way chill & someone who i’ll be able to get along with quite well. gosh, in 1 week- a job, a car, AND a roomie. God really is opening doors for me, and continuing to pour out dem blesssingggsss. ♥
today should be a fun-filled day as well. just finished a quiettime with grant ♥ then got lunch & laying out in my backyard with the wonderful hannapang (: then hanging out with miss taryn later tonight & having a little sleepover! CHEE! we may even have a little pizookie action. HOLLER.
then tomorrow i go in for my first day of work & on friday ALESSANDRA arrives! super stoked.
mm life is so good. god, you are b-e-a-utiful.
oh & another update: i just got a job interview tomorrow :) pray for me?
just had a girl visit earlier this afternoon…and GUESS WHAT?!
i just scored a new roomie!!!!!!!!!!!! i couldn’t be more stoked. she seems way chill & someone who i’ll be able to get along with quite well. gosh, in 1 week- a job, a car, AND a roomie. God really is opening doors for me, and continuing to pour out dem blesssingggsss. ♥
today should be a fun-filled day as well. just finished a quiettime with grant ♥ then got lunch & laying out in my backyard with the wonderful hannapang (: then hanging out with miss taryn later tonight & having a little sleepover! CHEE! we may even have a little pizookie action. HOLLER.
then tomorrow i go in for my first day of work & on friday ALESSANDRA arrives! super stoked.
mm life is so good. god, you are b-e-a-utiful.
oh & another update: i just got a job interview tomorrow :) pray for me?
update from tumblr #2: all growed up. kind of.
today i had my second interview with prudential locations, a real estate agency out here. i’m hoping to get a marketing/production position, and get started on my career. WOAH, did i just say career? why, yes i did. (:
i feel so grown up lately. well, besides the fact that i need to bum rides off people WHEREVER i go. i never realized how tough it would be not having a car! few more weeks though, and then it’s allll mine. anyway, back to me being grown up!
it’s weird having to make all of these decisions and do most everything on my “own”. although i’m learning how to business, i have to give God mad props for just opening up SO many doors in my life.
coming off of project…i’m not gunna lie, i had MAJOR doubts about the decision i made to move here. i was thinking, why am i putting myself in this position? i’m going to be very very uncomfortable. will i even survive? i’m going to have to learn how to do everything on my own. people must think im crazy! (and i am) but then i am constantly being reminded of the great calling God put on my heart early last year. it was a call i could not refuse. and thus, here i am.
i’m not gunna lie though, it’s not always easy being here. i miss cali terribly. i miss my family, my friends, my church, my easy livin. i can’t even begin to tell you how amazing the people are back home that i left behind. i am truly blessed :) i miss you all ♥
but, as i’m maturing and growing older, i’m learning how to be obedient. and without a doubt in my mind, this is where i need to be right now. God is making that very clear. and the funny thing is that i’m actually following! haha. we’ll have to see where He takes me from here.
anyway, tonight i’m going with my friend to an advertising networking event. i’m pretty stoked to be given this opportunity! i’m excited to meet new people and just begin to dig into all the networking that goes with the advertising/marketing world. perhaps i’ll find that this kind of thing is my kind of thing? who knows. we’ll see.
tomorrow my cali roomie OLLIE comes out! i can’t be more stoked. we’re going to have so much fun. and then the 24th my other roomies, KRISTIN & JENN come out too! mini reunion up in hurr. can’t wait to show them around the island in which i now call home (: hopefully work won’t hinder me from going on too many adventures with them… haha. i know we’ll have a good time for sure though. just with that miss JAMIE & EUNICE were coming too! next time though, ya?
but yeah, things are goood here. couldn’t ask for more. GOD IS GOOD.
i feel so grown up lately. well, besides the fact that i need to bum rides off people WHEREVER i go. i never realized how tough it would be not having a car! few more weeks though, and then it’s allll mine. anyway, back to me being grown up!
it’s weird having to make all of these decisions and do most everything on my “own”. although i’m learning how to business, i have to give God mad props for just opening up SO many doors in my life.
coming off of project…i’m not gunna lie, i had MAJOR doubts about the decision i made to move here. i was thinking, why am i putting myself in this position? i’m going to be very very uncomfortable. will i even survive? i’m going to have to learn how to do everything on my own. people must think im crazy! (and i am) but then i am constantly being reminded of the great calling God put on my heart early last year. it was a call i could not refuse. and thus, here i am.
i’m not gunna lie though, it’s not always easy being here. i miss cali terribly. i miss my family, my friends, my church, my easy livin. i can’t even begin to tell you how amazing the people are back home that i left behind. i am truly blessed :) i miss you all ♥
but, as i’m maturing and growing older, i’m learning how to be obedient. and without a doubt in my mind, this is where i need to be right now. God is making that very clear. and the funny thing is that i’m actually following! haha. we’ll have to see where He takes me from here.
anyway, tonight i’m going with my friend to an advertising networking event. i’m pretty stoked to be given this opportunity! i’m excited to meet new people and just begin to dig into all the networking that goes with the advertising/marketing world. perhaps i’ll find that this kind of thing is my kind of thing? who knows. we’ll see.
tomorrow my cali roomie OLLIE comes out! i can’t be more stoked. we’re going to have so much fun. and then the 24th my other roomies, KRISTIN & JENN come out too! mini reunion up in hurr. can’t wait to show them around the island in which i now call home (: hopefully work won’t hinder me from going on too many adventures with them… haha. i know we’ll have a good time for sure though. just with that miss JAMIE & EUNICE were coming too! next time though, ya?
but yeah, things are goood here. couldn’t ask for more. GOD IS GOOD.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
pour em out.
God's just been pouring out crazy blessings on me lately. He certainly doesn't have to, but He does.only but a week ago my teammates left, one by one, to return to the mainland. it felt like my whole world was falling apart. i had no idea that i could cry that much. in fact i'm beginning to think it was straight up unhealthy. haha. having to have like 5 shifts of goodbyes in 1 day with some of your closest friends, AND do repeat the very next day is just no bueno. anyway here are some updates:
project conclusions. undoubtedly one of the greatest summers i have ever had. and most definitely the greatest growth experienced in the shortest amount of time. GOD ROCKED MY WORLD THIS SUMMER. every struggle became a blessing from up above, and in the aftermath of that, a great lesson was learned. i was stretched and pulled, strengthened and uplifted. not only did i grow exponentially on a personal level, but i was also able to experience the overflow of love, growth & energy from my teammates as God continued to pour into us. if i had to sum up what i learned on summer project in one word, i'd have to say that i learned how to FOLLOW. that has always been a struggle for me, and boy did God make that clear. i knew it'd be hard, but i also knew that it was something i needed to grow in. it's funny how that works. anyway, God taught me how to follow. and boy was that a valuable lesson indeed :)
'ohana. probably one of the most common things said about going on summer project is that the community you experience is amazing. and soo...i'm about to add to that crowd. we truly were and are an 'OHANA. whether we were laughing, crying, praying, talking, joking, playing, dancing, traveling, or just BEING together, it was an 'ohana. i don't really know how else to explain it. it might've been the first time i'd experienced such a safe environment in a group THIS big. i told some of them things i'd never told people before, admitted convictions that i so dreadfully was ashamed of, experienced healing in ways i didn't know existed, and grew closer with one another as we grew closer to God. but now that most everyone is gone, i'm not gunna lie, PPD (post-project depression) is starting to set in. like it said before, it feels like a little bit of me went home with my 29 other teammates, and i just don't feel complete. i guess now i'll just have to focus my energy to finding a way to get to epic conference for a reunion! EHSP 2010, i love & miss you ALL so so much.
job. car. roomie. and nowww we talk about the other blessings. (in reference to the title; cuz He sure has been pouring out those blessings!) on tuesday, i felt like such ka-ka. i felt like i was drowning in this mess of moving & starting my new life here. but within 24 hours, it was a complete 180. in case i didn't realize that GOD PROVIDES after the crazy shenanigans we went through raising $60,000 in 1.5 days at briefing, God surely reminded me again when he poured out his blessings on wednesday. now first of all, let me start this off by saying that i have a more than amazing friend named kaiser who has hooked me up left and right. not only with the job & car bigger shtuff, but with the schmall kine things too, like rides and such! mahalooo (: anyway, this blog is getting quite lengthy so i'll just say what it is & just know that these are huge blessings.
- job: say hello to the newest employee of true religion ala moana! haha. i am going to continue searching for a job within my career field, but until then, this lady needs mooola!
- car: will soon be the proud owner of a black 1994 honda accord coupe. 68k mi. did i say 68k?!?!?! yes i did. with the paint job still beautifully in tact, and the inside sound system upgraded, this car is SUCH a steal. only bummer is that i won't be getting it until the beginning of september =/ sad panda!
- roomie: we have a girl coming to check it out on monday! cheeee. my rent will soon be lowered and i will be a happy camper.
anyway. AH. what is wrong with me? up late every night seems like. peaceee.
P.S.! tomorrow i get to see JBOOG at the shack! finaaalllllyyy a show to go to. chee!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
one by one.
one by one they go... i've never had to say so many goodbyes in such a short span of time.
it's almost unbearable. it's like a little piece of me goes as each one of my teammates departs from the island. it's really starting to set in how much i miss them, and not all of them have even left!
please pray for me. i'm overwhelmed. no car, no job, no bank, not much at all. i can't even begin to think about how i'm going to figure all this out. only God is going to be the one to pull me out from all this...
anyway. i really need some rest. please pray.
love, nicky.
it's almost unbearable. it's like a little piece of me goes as each one of my teammates departs from the island. it's really starting to set in how much i miss them, and not all of them have even left!
please pray for me. i'm overwhelmed. no car, no job, no bank, not much at all. i can't even begin to think about how i'm going to figure all this out. only God is going to be the one to pull me out from all this...
anyway. i really need some rest. please pray.
love, nicky.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
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