i am not myself lately.

check it out at: http://nickyleong.tumblr.com

it’s been a loooong while.
haven’t written here for some time, my bad. been going through some crazy hard things. some things i just do not want to revisit. life is getting really tough, and i am merely trying to crawl out from this hole.
i am not myself lately.
i don’t know what it is, but i find myself feeling perpetually anxious, weird, afraid, scatterbrained, annoyed, sad, stressed, and just not me. i’m trying hard to process all that i’m going through, but i just don’t know how. i’ve realized that i have a tendency to stuff it & not deal with some of the tough things in my life, simply because i just don’t want to go there. but i’m now starting to see that it’s just far too much to continue on the way i used to. i need to face the music.
time to wake up and smell the roses. realize that i went through an extremely tough school year. went through things i thought i never would, left college with some loose ends not tied, and just utterly overwhelmed by the speed & volume of life transitions that happened in a matter of weeks. i need to realize and acknowledge that summer project was amazing, and now it is over. i’m out in hawaii on my own, & that i’m not having the easiest time learning how to be an adult…time to realize also that im only at the beginning. that i feel broken & struck down, but not destroyed. that i need to actually work through these things. and the first step is acknowledging that i actually have pain in my life.
yet in spite of all these difficulties, i’ve found an overwhelming comfort in the Lord. i’ve never felt more close to Him in my life. it feels like we’re walking hand in hand, and that i never wanna let go. on almost a daily basis He’s revealing things to me, whether it be through people, the word, or my own thoughts. He lets me know He’s there. when i feel like there’s nothing left, He gives me hope.
just the other day, i got this verse: “just as i was with moses, so will i be with you. i will not leave you or forsake you.” -joshua 1:5. how sweet is that? i am not alone.
anyway, prayer would be much appreciated. for strength, for hope, and for complete reliance on the Lord. MAHALO! i will try to update again soon. just been tough finding time with all the busy-ness going on..got friends still visiting til wed, got work, and just trying to figure out life! but yeah, that’s all for now, folks. paycee.