Wednesday, September 30, 2009

jfdlsafj a MILLION thoughts runnin through my mind.

so it's WAY past my bedtime. and i only have a few minutes to write. but i just need to say that.. GOD IS SO GOOD!!!

i had quite possibly one of the best nights tonight. and it's funny, because it was so unexpected. but i guess that's just how god rolls. haha. he makes those divine appointments, that we don't even realize are happening until after they've already happened!

but we had our first epic meeting tonight. now that was AWESOME. so many people. so many new faces. SO MUCH LOVE! i am stoked for this year. God has just been working fervently with and through us. i am just thrilled that he has chosen to use me to help expand his kingdom.

on the whole, i'd say it went REALLY well. even got to chill a bit afterwards with some of the people. :) always a good time! going through ephesians was really refreshing too. russell's part about us being comfortable, and falling into the pattern of thinking that we don't "need" a savior hit me hard. also the part about us being so caught up in the current that we often forget to keep an eternal perspective. it just made me realize that my fast pace life is not a bad thing, but i do need to remember that this is just a short term thing. i am not home yet. and that i do in fact need a savior. i can't do this alone. and i certainly don't want to. i need him...in all aspects of my life.

and THEN. we went to the zeta sis potluck. really late. but then again, it's never too late. (; haha. brought nina with me, which was so great! i love that girl. haha i know i keep saying that, but i honestly can't say it enough (:  had the most unexpected yet AMAZING conversation with chris, and man. god was just moving tonight. we didn't just get to talk with chris, but sal as well, and even met another girl named grace who will be coming out to epic too! oh man. sorrry. i still am processing what happened tonight. so i might need to continue this more later.  all i know is that God was there. i could feel his presence. and it just felt...so right. it just reaffirmed every reason i ever had for sharing the gospel, for reaching out to people, for loving God. these are the times when it becomes a true reality. the love that God has for each one of us, and his divine and interconnected plans he has prepared for us! i just feel so blessed, so excited that he used me.

im still trippin out. but i need to go to bed. eee! i don't even know if i'll be able to sleep. haha. but anyway. lots of prayer please. i have a crazy long list of people i want to pray for, but please pray for these people. pray for more divine appointments, rekindled passion for god, those who still don't know, epic, and yeah. haha i could pray for hours with all that i have to give up to god!

i'm just stoked. and so in love. i find myself just thinking about it all the time now... how much i truly am falling in love with God. more and more everyday. and i really do hope that i can one day share that with each and every one of you ♥ ♥ ♥

GNIGHT! (:

p.s. i am also stoked about my wonderful phone call with jo. it was the perfect way to end the evening :) i miss her so much though! i really can't wait to visit in novemberr. but chyea. awesome phone call. i hope we continue them, cuz it's really refreshing to hear from her!

Friday, September 25, 2009

i had forgotten how much i loved this song.

until last night at real life. mm. soo good :)



that is all. k thanks bye!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

one foot on sand.

i don't know what's come over me these past few days, but i've been SO sad as of late. i haven't felt this way since i left hawai'i.  maybe it's a combo of seeing jo this weekend and all the new hawaiian music i have now acquired...but all i know is that i am rather melancholy. =/

i'm still feeling pretty lonely, and it's just tough. i feel like i'm just floating. i wonder if people notice me.  and so it makes me miss this summer. it was perfect... i miss the weather, the food, the culture, the people.  maybe that's where jo's visit comes in. it was SO good to see her. but i'm sad now that she's gone.  i think above all, the people are what i truly love about hawaii.  they just, get me.

i keep waking up feeling like this. i carry through the whole day like this. i go to sleep like this.  i feel in a sense, "homesick". i'm just ready to move there already!  i think i was always meant to live there. i've got that hi-life in my heart. hahaha. or at least i've been told.

but don't get me wrong, i am so stoked for this year. God has been providing and providing. in the past week, i've had 2 girls contact me about joining my bible study. THEY came to ME! i didn't have to do anything. but God is good, he provides.  Not only that, yesterday was an amazing day tabling (my first time!). we got to talk to a lot of cool people & i am really hoping they'll come out this week.  nina and i also went to do followups at the dorms, and God just blessed us there again. we met this AWESOME girl named sharon who is searching for a church out here! i think we're going to take her on sunday :) we got to have a great conversation, and even saw her again later last night at AACF's ice cream social.

i truly am excited for this year. Although Epic still has a lot of unknowns, i am thankful that God is sovereign--that he's leading this movement, and not me. i don't need to take the weight of it all on my shoulders, but He will. i know lately i've been feeling really stressed about it because i don't know where everyone's at, but the Lord has just been so gracious with providing. i know we can get through this. i'm stoked to be leading women's bible study with nina. she truly has a heart after God, and i love the way she worships Him with her life. it's definitely encouraging!

tonight we have a spam musubi/game night. our first event of the year. and i couldn't be more excited/stressed. stressed because 2 of my co-core leaders will not be there, and i'm afraid i won't be able to handle everyone, but more importantly, EXITED because of all the new people i will meet tonight! and hopefully some awesome conversations.

but backtrack to this weekend. JO'S VISIT. can i just say, that it was epic?? haha. that girl is awesome. we are seriously on the same page on just about everything. goshh. we have the same taste in fashion, guys, GOD, hawaii, foods, music, etc! it's too crazy. she came in late friday night & i picked her up from the airport. although it was a far drive, it was SO worth it. we had soo much to catch up on, we ended up chatting at McD's for a while even though we were supposed to head out to Mikey's! haha. We eventually got to Mikey's around 12:30, and just cruised til basically 5am. HA. i felt bad because Mikey had a football game the next day & even gave up his bed for us. what a good guy! and i also felt bad cuz we had to leave somewhat early the next day =/ but it's okay, hopefully there will be more trips. After that we trekked it out to hollywood where we spent the day at the walk of fame, mann's chinese theatre, the mall, etc! it was a lot of fun. you'd think that after i grew up only an hour away from all this, that i would've gone to these places... but NO. i am a loser. haha. so it was a new experience for the both of us! we then proceeded to head all the way back to SB where we met up with Tom & Darrell for dinner. at Takenoya. nom nom nom. :)





next day we got up supah early early to go to church. SO good. i'm glad that i got to take Jo there! worship was awesome. Dave Lomis spoke, which was cool too because he's going to be the pastor as reality SF where Jo might be interested in attending when it opens! so that was saweet.  thenn. it was WEST BEACH FESTIVAL. fdjksafjasldkjf. oh em gee. most amazing concert EVER > soja. pepper. sashamon. rebelution. iration. slightly stoopid. and i think anyone would agree, this is one of the meanest lineups you could pick. ahh, it was so good! although, 2 sad panda moments. :( we MISSED iration. yes. MISSED. the band we wanted to see the most! and sadly, it wasn't because of some external factor, but because of our own lackadaisical-ness. we chilled downtown for FAR too long, and underestimated the parking. so as we were looking for parking, we heard my favorite--wait & see while driving by. =/ 2nd sad panda moment was that i accidentally deleted my video of rebelution's lazy afternoon! ugh. i still haven't forgiven myself for that. anyway. forget all that bad news. THE CONCERT WAS SO SICK! outside, on the sand (although it made things real dirty, real fast), and with multiple stages. they were really good about being on time. mannn. it was awesome. i can't believe more people i know didn't go! it was such a good deal too--ALL THAT for the ticket price of $35. booya.





then monday. finallyyy slept in. little bit though. haha. i was still beat from the day before! anyway. got up and went back down south to Santa Monica this time :) we're quite the adventurers, i know. haha. anyway, went to the Santa Monica pier (although we were trying to get to Venice beach? FAIL.) i've never been to the Santa Monica pier (SAD, i know. i live in socal, you would think i've been...), so it was a really cool experience for me too. Attempted to do a photoshoot, although i've been hardcore sucking lately. i am such a NOOB. gosh. anyways. it was absolutely beautiful. 3 other photoshoots were going on at the same time! we had a good time. Then we went to 3rd Street Promenade to enjoy some walking around & a bite to eat. Afterr, it was time for Jo to go. sadness. But it's okay, because I will soon plan my trip up to the bay! so we can reunite once again♥




anyways. i should go. work time.. haha. i want to add pictures in here though, so be on the lookout! i'll just post the text for now. ya feel me?? anyhoo. payce!

PS-- shout out to Isaac. hahaha. (:

Thursday, September 17, 2009

weird morning.

so i just woke up a bit ago. feeling different. weird, perhaps? i don't know.

just thinking, i want more. things have been a bit slow lately, yet so fast in my mind. more on this later. but just thinking about this new school year has got me goin crazy!

after going to core retreat with campus crusade, it was awesome getting to know all the other core leaders. and i'm stoked that kathryn, jennie, and i finally got to plan for epic & this upcoming year.

however, i felt a little overwhelmed. overwhelmed because, well...it was just us planning. and thinking, we can't do this alone. to be quite honest, i'm scared. it seems like barely any members, let alone leaders of epic will be here for welcome week, which might just be the most crucial time of the year. maybe the "i want more" feeling is coming from wanting to do everything. wanting to reach every student. i want this year to be a success, but only God knows what the future holds. and i like it that way, it's just a bit difficult to deal with reality during the time being. i'm just wondering a lot. and wanting help.

lately, i think i've been a bit frustrated. frustrated with reaching people. i really can't understand why people don't respond to texts/messages. it's like, i know you got them, why don't you just say something to let me know? it doesn't have to be what i want to hear, but just give me someeething, ya know? blah. i guess it's just cuz i'm not like that. and it's especially tough when what i had to say was important.  i'm trying to be cool, but some issues are going down, and to be honest, it's kind of annoying.

yesterday was exactly 1 month since i left hawaii. i can't believe it's been THAT LONG. it makes me sad...because it feels like longer. which means the rest of the year is going to take forever as well. haha. but soon i will be reunited! i think moving there is becoming more and more official everyday, as my parents are telling EVERYONE i'm moving there. haha they're in full support, and for that i am SO thankful! my dream is actually becoming a reality. i just need to start figuring out roommate stuff and whatnot. and get on that research/job ish. man. i miss it so much. now more than ever i feel so out of place. weird that after a full month, i still feel so alone. maybe it's because i don't think i've fully assimilated? or maybe that i actually have been alone for more time than i'm used to? i don't know. i guess it's just been tough. i'm harboring a lot, and i really need to give it up to God.

blah. worktime. i will continue more of this later. perhaps at work. pray for me please.

ps. reminder to myself to talk about this later--i am a fish out of water.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

it is 7am and i am still up.

who would've thought i'd pull an all-nighter while not in school? haha. i certainly didnt.

i've spent the past..hmm 10 hours or so? creating the new epic t-shirts and flyers. and i must say, i'm quite pleased. i just only hope that everyone else agrees! hopefully this long night will make everyone happy with the end product. :)






























anyway, off to the beach tmro with tom, kristin & darrell. i'm stoked! we had a lot of fun last night doing dinner at our place. i love cooking for people! sadly, even though it's only been but 2 days, i'm already craving beach. look at what hawaii has done to me! haha. oh well, only a few more hours until beach timee ♥ ♥

goodnight/goodmorning :)

Monday, September 14, 2009

not like me.

in just 1 day, i realized a lot about myself and my family. not that this is a good or bad thing, but what i came to realize, was that they're not like me. not that anyone is quite like me...but it's just that this time, i really noticed the differences between.

it especially hit me yesterday while i was driving my younger brothers to dinner. we got into a conversation about college, since one of my brothers is a senior in high school. i got soo flustered talking about it, hearing him be so unmotivated. he was talking about how C's are fine in college because you'll still get your degree. because there's nothing more after that. and i thought to myself, i would just die if i got a C in college because i thought "c's get degrees".  man, i can't imagine how easily your gpa would plummet.  it's not like high school, where one honors class could potentially bump your gpa with it's weighted difference. no, no. in college, once you receive anything below that A, you can kiss your 4.0 goodbye. there's no making up for it, and it's quite a fight to just raise your gpa even just a little bit. it saddened me, that my younger brother had lost the motivation i thought he'd had... i'm not sure what it is, but all 3 of them tend to think that they are invincible, that they can get by with the natural intelligence that they have. in fact, sometimes it seems that they truly believe that they don't have to work for what they have. it just startles me, because my mindset is that you have to work for everything--that nothing will be just handed to you. in fact, i'm almost never over confident. haha. anyway, i felt terrible, but i haaaddd to break it to him. my brother seemed to think it'd be a piece of cake to get into ucsb with just a 3.6 gpa. sadly, i did not want him to be shocked when the time came to hear back from colleges. nowadays, a 3.6 is just not going to cut it. in fact, i read in the nexus that the average gpa of incoming freshmen was about a 4.0! now that's crazy. i can't believe how tough admissions are now, even 3 years later.

anyway, my point is. i think i've been very narrow-minded all my life. i tend to think that my values are what's right. but that's wrong! not everyone thinks that the things that i think are great (haha crazy sentence, i know), and not everyone is going to see things the way i do. maybe college isn't for my brother. or maybe he wants to go to community college. i don't know. but what i do know, is that i'm trying to understand. maybe the way he sees things has a completely different meaning to him? i guess it's just not the path that would take, or have taken.

aside from that, i also went to a church with my mom in newbury park yesterday. it was living oaks. pretty good, overall i really enjoyed the service. it had a great message. every time i come home, i at least try to go to a different church. i'm trying reeeeallly realllyy hard to get my family to go. it's tough though, when my youngest brothers have no clue, my dad hasn't been a member of a church in like 35 years, and mom is still trying to understand. i wish i could be there to show them, to explainn. but i can't. and me trying out different churches isn't for me...it's for them. i have a home church, and it's in carpinteria. i just only pray that they would find what i've found. please pray for us?

but again this all made me realize how different i am. i want completely different things in life than what they want. and i think it's Jesus that separates us. and not only that, it's my age. i'm at a very pivotal point in my life, where my possibilities are endless. buttt. despite all this differences talk, it's definitely not a bad thing. i'm never going to find someone just like me, and nor do i want to. (i can't handle more of myself than i already do! haha) i'm learning to embrace these differences, and seek to understand the way my family, as well as others think. i think that's the beauty of being an individual. and i'm just thankful that i am able to express it.


back to this weekend though. spent most of my time with my amazzinggg best friend! haha. we always have a good time together. been best friends since we were 4, and seem to grow closer every year. i can't believe she's leaving for LONDON today. and gone for 3 whole months! i'm so stoked for her, but i'm definitely going to miss her. we had some goood times this weekend. haha. from vchatting with MARIO! to our failed beach trip to malibu, and to making up for it by trekknig it down to NEWPORT for the entire day. :) had soo much fun. i'm sad i didn't get to spend more time with her this summer!

Oh and yesterday. HAPPY 50th BIRTHDAY DAD! you are NOT over the hill. not yet. :) haha. i'm glad we could surprise him at one of his favorite restaurants, Joe's Crabshack (admittingly, it's one of mine too). had a great time, as a few of his best friends were able to make it, and the rest of our family as well! only one missing was ryan, but oh well. the show must go on! had a really good time though. love love love family. ♥♥♥

this week is going to be busy. just got back to sb last night, and today i have work. tomorrrow i'm SLO bound! going to visit the cousin for a few days and experience WOW week for my first time. haha. should be interesting? i can't believe all these years i've never visited! this is my chance. :) thennn, JOANNA is coming down to visit! eee. i am SO excited. i can't wait to show her around. perhaps disneyland, kayaking, WEST BEACH FESTIVAL, and more! can't wait.

anyways, i think that's about all i have to say. haha. lots of contemplating on my mind.. still keeping the faith, and waiting on the Lord. funny because I'm still not sure what He wants me to do, but i suppose that doesn't matter. I'm gunna follow Him anyway.

payyceee.

Friday, September 11, 2009

MALIBEEZY TODAY!



oh mann. how i've missed it. and it's gon be HAWT today. cheee!

first, kristie and i are going to pick up the BEST sub sammies you will EVER eat: D.Mongeon's. haven't had it in MONTHS, so i'm pretty essited to say the least. (:

THEN. the adventure begins! not sure which beach we're gunna park it at, but it's going to be amazing. that is all ♥♥

ps. i am freaking TIRED. koho and i stayed up til 4am vchatting! eesh. haha. but i'm pretty happy i've been making good use out of my fixed camera. and i got to chat it up with my one and only mario :D

p.p.s. photo above is the one i took at malibu pier back in high school. :) funny story to go along with it: i sold a print to a dad of one of the other art students at my IB senior art show, and he said he didn't have his checkbook, so he'd give it to his daughter for me... STILL have not seen my 40 big ones. 3.5 years later. lesson learned.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

hi i'm random :)

last night i went to blockbuster. and happened to see the movie definitely, maybe for sale. wanted to buy, but fought the urge! but now i want it. :) SO GOOD.

anyways. just a thought.


today i'm going home after work. cheee heee! going to see my best friend kristie before she leaves for LONDON! crazy. won't be seeing her until january :( booo. but i know she'll have the time of her life. and she has skype, so we'll be a-okay.


hoping to get some mad coding in this weekend, some laundry, and good times with the fam. been missing the little broheims! then it's back to the beezy, for some more work and chillaxing.


and thenn. hoping to visit my cousin♥ in SLO! for wow week. never been up there to visit people, just to see the campus. sounds like it's a lot of fun. stoked, to say the least.


and to finish off my amazing summer, JOANNA is coming to visit me!! all the way from hi to sf to sb. :) i am a lucky girl. haha. i hope i can show her enough fun things here in SB while the majority of my friends are trying to salvage the rest of their summer after summer school ends and before school starts. haha. but more important than everyday sb activities, is WEST BEACH FESTIVAL! on sunday. get ready for rebelution, pepper, iration, soja and MORE. oh man. it's going to be amazing. gon get my skank on. (; ahaha, oh hawaii, how i miss you.


anyway. enough of this. hope you enjoyed my randomness!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

overload.

soo much has happened since the last time i blogged. i don't even know where to begin. and nor do i know if i'm ready to talk about it?

all i know is, god is good. he never stops giving, loving, and blessing. and right now, i'm learning how to accept all of that from him. learning to breathe, learning to love. cuz quite frankly, i fall more and more in love with him as each day goes by. :)

as of right now, i'm in an interesting state of mind. i feel in between worlds. while i've pretty much adjusted back to life here in SB, i still feel caught between. i still miss hawaii like i did the day i left. and yet i'm embracing my life here as well. it's actually a really weird sensation. i think i'm still trying to find myself. seeking my place in this world, and how to live my life for god. i must admit, i am enjoying myself though. i've been going to the beach nearly everyday. and running too! i find myself just enjoying the simple things that life has to offer. like the smell of salty air, and sand between my toes. maybe this is where my life begins to unfold.

it's also become increasingly obvious to me that i have but ONE YEAR left in college! nay, 2 QUARTERS! i finish in march, godwilling. and i begin to think--how am i going to get EVERYTHING i want to do accomplished?! somehow it'll come together. somehow, it'll work. so here's a mini list of some of the things i want to do:
  1. lead bible study
  2. intramural tennis & soccer
  3. polynesian dancing club
  4. working out
  5. real life
  6. surfing
and the list goes on! in addition to the things i want to do, there's also school and my 2 jobs. eesh! i'm also considering taking on an internship. boy oh boy, this is going to be a busy year. [which is funny, but i say that right before every year] and above all else, i want to spend time with the people i love. we may never again have this opportunity to spend time together in sunny santa barbara, across the street from the beach, and living independently! oh man, all i gotta say is. LIVE IT UP. seize it all.

aside from thattt. i really need to buy a camera bag and a tripod. there is NO WAY i'm going to survive next year's intermediate photo class for the second time without those things! i'm really looking forward to it. i must say, i've developed quite a passion for photography :) which is why i am ITCHING for a new lens! i want something that'll allow me to take some macro shots. i really don't know much about equipment and whatnot, so if anyone has any suggestions, please let me know! although, i don't know if i'll be able to buy a new lens for some time...because they are so effing expensive and i'm feeling broke!

i also want a wetsuit. because every time i head out to the beach, i am anxious to surf. but it's cold. :( boo cali waters! oh well. in timeee.

anyway, plans for tonight include mucho alone time. everyone is studying for finals. and i am not. haha. someone play with me! ta ta for now. :)

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

um ya.

tomorrow cannot come any sooner.

random thoughts:
1. i hate vultures.
2. brave? not that brave.
3. we should all try to be a little more like jesus.
4. i want to run tomorrow.
5. hate brownies even more since i cut myself tonight trying to get them out of the pan.
6. i'm not stupid.
7. i'll be praying for you.

maybe you get it, maybe you don't. i don't care. they're random thoughts, and this is a place to get them out. that's why this is my blog.

in any case, ima give it up to god. because it's all about him anyway.
no one else.