not like me.

in just 1 day, i realized a lot about myself and my family. not that this is a good or bad thing, but what i came to realize, was that they're not like me. not that anyone is quite like me...but it's just that this time, i really noticed the differences between.

it especially hit me yesterday while i was driving my younger brothers to dinner. we got into a conversation about college, since one of my brothers is a senior in high school. i got soo flustered talking about it, hearing him be so unmotivated. he was talking about how C's are fine in college because you'll still get your degree. because there's nothing more after that. and i thought to myself, i would just die if i got a C in college because i thought "c's get degrees".  man, i can't imagine how easily your gpa would plummet.  it's not like high school, where one honors class could potentially bump your gpa with it's weighted difference. no, no. in college, once you receive anything below that A, you can kiss your 4.0 goodbye. there's no making up for it, and it's quite a fight to just raise your gpa even just a little bit. it saddened me, that my younger brother had lost the motivation i thought he'd had... i'm not sure what it is, but all 3 of them tend to think that they are invincible, that they can get by with the natural intelligence that they have. in fact, sometimes it seems that they truly believe that they don't have to work for what they have. it just startles me, because my mindset is that you have to work for everything--that nothing will be just handed to you. in fact, i'm almost never over confident. haha. anyway, i felt terrible, but i haaaddd to break it to him. my brother seemed to think it'd be a piece of cake to get into ucsb with just a 3.6 gpa. sadly, i did not want him to be shocked when the time came to hear back from colleges. nowadays, a 3.6 is just not going to cut it. in fact, i read in the nexus that the average gpa of incoming freshmen was about a 4.0! now that's crazy. i can't believe how tough admissions are now, even 3 years later.

anyway, my point is. i think i've been very narrow-minded all my life. i tend to think that my values are what's right. but that's wrong! not everyone thinks that the things that i think are great (haha crazy sentence, i know), and not everyone is going to see things the way i do. maybe college isn't for my brother. or maybe he wants to go to community college. i don't know. but what i do know, is that i'm trying to understand. maybe the way he sees things has a completely different meaning to him? i guess it's just not the path that would take, or have taken.

aside from that, i also went to a church with my mom in newbury park yesterday. it was living oaks. pretty good, overall i really enjoyed the service. it had a great message. every time i come home, i at least try to go to a different church. i'm trying reeeeallly realllyy hard to get my family to go. it's tough though, when my youngest brothers have no clue, my dad hasn't been a member of a church in like 35 years, and mom is still trying to understand. i wish i could be there to show them, to explainn. but i can't. and me trying out different churches isn't for me...it's for them. i have a home church, and it's in carpinteria. i just only pray that they would find what i've found. please pray for us?

but again this all made me realize how different i am. i want completely different things in life than what they want. and i think it's Jesus that separates us. and not only that, it's my age. i'm at a very pivotal point in my life, where my possibilities are endless. buttt. despite all this differences talk, it's definitely not a bad thing. i'm never going to find someone just like me, and nor do i want to. (i can't handle more of myself than i already do! haha) i'm learning to embrace these differences, and seek to understand the way my family, as well as others think. i think that's the beauty of being an individual. and i'm just thankful that i am able to express it.


back to this weekend though. spent most of my time with my amazzinggg best friend! haha. we always have a good time together. been best friends since we were 4, and seem to grow closer every year. i can't believe she's leaving for LONDON today. and gone for 3 whole months! i'm so stoked for her, but i'm definitely going to miss her. we had some goood times this weekend. haha. from vchatting with MARIO! to our failed beach trip to malibu, and to making up for it by trekknig it down to NEWPORT for the entire day. :) had soo much fun. i'm sad i didn't get to spend more time with her this summer!

Oh and yesterday. HAPPY 50th BIRTHDAY DAD! you are NOT over the hill. not yet. :) haha. i'm glad we could surprise him at one of his favorite restaurants, Joe's Crabshack (admittingly, it's one of mine too). had a great time, as a few of his best friends were able to make it, and the rest of our family as well! only one missing was ryan, but oh well. the show must go on! had a really good time though. love love love family. ♥♥♥

this week is going to be busy. just got back to sb last night, and today i have work. tomorrrow i'm SLO bound! going to visit the cousin for a few days and experience WOW week for my first time. haha. should be interesting? i can't believe all these years i've never visited! this is my chance. :) thennn, JOANNA is coming down to visit! eee. i am SO excited. i can't wait to show her around. perhaps disneyland, kayaking, WEST BEACH FESTIVAL, and more! can't wait.

anyways, i think that's about all i have to say. haha. lots of contemplating on my mind.. still keeping the faith, and waiting on the Lord. funny because I'm still not sure what He wants me to do, but i suppose that doesn't matter. I'm gunna follow Him anyway.

payyceee.