so i just woke up a bit ago. feeling different. weird, perhaps? i don't know.
just thinking, i want more. things have been a bit slow lately, yet so fast in my mind. more on this later. but just thinking about this new school year has got me goin crazy!
after going to core retreat with campus crusade, it was awesome getting to know all the other core leaders. and i'm stoked that kathryn, jennie, and i finally got to plan for epic & this upcoming year.
however, i felt a little overwhelmed. overwhelmed because, well...it was just us planning. and thinking, we can't do this alone. to be quite honest, i'm scared. it seems like barely any members, let alone leaders of epic will be here for welcome week, which might just be the most crucial time of the year. maybe the "i want more" feeling is coming from wanting to do everything. wanting to reach every student. i want this year to be a success, but only God knows what the future holds. and i like it that way, it's just a bit difficult to deal with reality during the time being. i'm just wondering a lot. and wanting help.
lately, i think i've been a bit frustrated. frustrated with reaching people. i really can't understand why people don't respond to texts/messages. it's like, i know you got them, why don't you just say something to let me know? it doesn't have to be what i want to hear, but just give me someeething, ya know? blah. i guess it's just cuz i'm not like that. and it's especially tough when what i had to say was important. i'm trying to be cool, but some issues are going down, and to be honest, it's kind of annoying.
yesterday was exactly 1 month since i left hawaii. i can't believe it's been THAT LONG. it makes me sad...because it feels like longer. which means the rest of the year is going to take forever as well. haha. but soon i will be reunited! i think moving there is becoming more and more official everyday, as my parents are telling EVERYONE i'm moving there. haha they're in full support, and for that i am SO thankful! my dream is actually becoming a reality. i just need to start figuring out roommate stuff and whatnot. and get on that research/job ish. man. i miss it so much. now more than ever i feel so out of place. weird that after a full month, i still feel so alone. maybe it's because i don't think i've fully assimilated? or maybe that i actually have been alone for more time than i'm used to? i don't know. i guess it's just been tough. i'm harboring a lot, and i really need to give it up to God.
blah. worktime. i will continue more of this later. perhaps at work. pray for me please.
ps. reminder to myself to talk about this later--i am a fish out of water.
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