let's be real.

for even a moment. :) i came across this verse today, and i found it to be very encouraging for women:

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands and let her works praise her in the gates.

that's the kind of woman i aspire to be. fearing the Lord! oh yes.


but anyway, the week is well underway, and i'm still finding myself adjusting (as many of you are as well). it's quite a sensation not having class, not being on campus, and NOT HAVING HOMEWORK! and although i am lacking those things, i've come to the realization that i still don't have as much free time as i thought i'd have. i'm currently working 2 jobs, may possibly take on an internship, dancing with ITO (polynesian dancing club), and co-leading Epic! it's just nuts. but i love them all so much, i don't want to give any up. haha. thus, i will continue to have a full schedule. which is good slash bad? i guess we'll find out.

aside from all that, i'm feeling kind of...off? if i were to describe the color of my heart, which robbyn & sarah might say (haha!), i might say that it's either rainbow colored, or brown. simply because i'm feeling both a lot of different things, yet a mesh of just everything--at the same time. feeling excited that it's spring & just ready to start this quarter off right. happy that i've got the Lord just being my awesome savior. weird because i am no longer a college student. blah because i feel kind of underpursued/a little shut down. and then feeling sad because of that + the fact that i'm moving out of the state in just 2 short months. which is kind of crazy, come to think about it. makes me nostalgic already! but yeah, basically just a hodge podge of feelings. all balled up into my little heart. aye!

and so, let's be real. i'm a girl, and all these crazy feelings, yes! i'm sure there are others that feel this way too. however, i am very encouraged by the verse i listed above. fearing God, as in trusting that He is sovereign over all areas in my life, knowing that He is all powerful, and believing that He loves me so much that He'll do what's best for me. now that, is a praise in itself.

anyway, here's to the last spring quarter in santa barbara. can't believe you're already here.

in due time.

ecclesiastes 3:1-8.
 
There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.


God truly does have a time for everything. maybe things don't always work out the way you hoped they would, but He'll still use that for His glory. maybe you wish you had or you hadn't, but everything happens for a reason. and maybe you feel like a failure, but you're not. God's using that--in one way or another.

and above all else, we continue to strive towards glorifying Him. whether or not we see the fruits of that or not, we continue to fight the good fight. we continue to reach out towards Him. these are the things that bring glory.

i'm slowly learning. slowly understanding that all my hopes, works, desires, are never going to happen in my time. that nothing i will ever do will be the reason or cause for any changes, any miracles, any epiphanies. it's all about God. and i'm just beginning to realize that i am SO small in the whole scheme of things, and that i'm fortunate enough to just be a part of it.

anyway, that's my ramble for today. kinda going through a lot, so prayer would be much appreciated.

on the bright side i'm going to newport today? gunna see the bestie♥ payce.

DONEZO.

ucsb graduate.

what theeee. i feel old!

who would've ever thought time would fly by this fast. SO fast that i'm actually DONE with college.

the chapter in my life that i thought would neverrr end, just ended. LAST NIGHT! it's crazy. still hasn't hit me, in fact.

anyway, finally got my beach fix yesterday! yesss. well, "beach". we were actually on the lawn next to it, but only because the tide was too high! haha. but don't worry, i won't be a poser again today, as kristin & i will be basking in the sun on the pier as of 2pm todayy♥

it's amazing how sunny weather, salty air & sand between my toes can truly turn my frown upside down. i'm not going to lie, this past week and a half has been incredibly difficult for me, and i'm still walking through it. somedays i feel like i just can't take it anymore, like i just want to crawl into a hole and hide for a while.  other days i feel strengthened by God. and days like yesterday and today, i just feel like it's time to heal, time to get up off my butt & truly be happy amidst all the trials in life. it's so interesting how the simple pleasures in life can do that for us in some of the most trying times.

what i do know though, is that GOD IS SO GOOD. through so much, He continues to deliver me from myself, my sins, my problems, my issues, my pain.  He's been my rock. through all of it, He continues to be glorified. which, in the end, is the ultimate goal anyway. it's truly amazing to see it all come together and realize that no matter what happens in life, God is going to use it for His glory. and that's suchh a comforting thought, to know that i am not as big as i think i am. that no matter what i do, He will continue to be glorified.

with one last closing thought, i'd like to share this verse: "surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever"--psalm 23:6. i don't quite know why this stuck out to me? but it did. and i'm sharing it with you :) the Lord loves you. && desperately wants to pursue an ever-so intimate relationship with you. and take it from me, there ain't nothin better.

happy wednesday everyone (:
♥nickkayyy

i really wish i went to the beach today.

perfect weather.

and what did i do? fake study for hours. SADNESS. i was also feeling a little self conscious too. so maybe i can blame it on that too? but i can't let it pass me by tmro.

all i know is that i really need an escape. & the beach is lookin quite lovely.

maybe i should just run across the street & take a refreshing dip now? i'm goin crazy.



he restores my soul. he guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 

i'm slowly learning that there is only one thing needed. if you haven't checked it out already, listen to dominic balli's sermon from this weekend. it will ROCK you.


sorry for my series of randomness. like i said, i'm goin crazy!
backtobusiness.

when my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than i.



goodnight.

sometimes, just sometimes.

you want to be cradled.  
taken care of.
held, & safe.

knowing that everything is going to be all right, that for just one second all your fears are lifted from your chest.

lately i've gotten used to living without this feeling. but i think i need it now more than ever.


"there is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear."

the moment i've been waiting for.

today i found out i got accepted to go on the epic hawaii summer project 2010. it was such a pleasant surprise waking up to this e-mail, knowing that God has chosen me to be used this summer as a part of the epic team :)

now my planning process can truly begin! in the near future i'll be looking into flights, writing my support letter, brainstorming fundraising ideas, and just getting ready to go.

i couldn't be more stoked, more excited, and more in love with God. this summer will surely be one i will never forget. i can't wait to be out and about, everyday sharing God's great story to the untold world.  ♥

but on the flip side... just 2 days ago it dawned on me, that maybe returning to cali for a month after summer project ends may not be the best idea. especially for me economically. which means. i will be buying a one-way ticket and IT'S FORREAL NOW. 3 months and counting until i am no longer a cali resident. and as excited as i am to embark on this new adventure, i must admit that i'm really quite sad. i'll be leaving my friends, family, boyfriend, dog, and comfortable life in less than 100 days.

each day now seems to mean so much more, and each day is just a reminder of how i truly need to live this last quarter up to it's full potential. i just hope that people will want to join me. i know the world does not revolve around me, but i really do hope people will remember how soon it is that i'm leaving. or how important it is to me that we spend time together. which is why i'm starting to think that i may not take on another job. so that i'll have time to spend with the people i love. i just pray that they'll make time for me too.

_________________________________________________________

so i wrote all that above the line before i went to the prayershed. and now i'm back. and i couldn't be more jumbled up. i felt like i was trying so hard to get in this groove with God, to really listen to Him, seek Him, and just be intimate with Him.  but the whole time, i felt like my thoughts were so scattered, that i was all over the place, and that i was just not reaching this place of worship that i had hoped for. i don't know what's wrong with me sometimes. i truly want to trust Him, follow Him, and just be obedient in my walk. but i feel as if i can't even pinpoint those things because my mind is everywhere.

i'm constantly jumping from one thought to another, trying to reach some solid ground.

and to be honest, it's getting a little frustrating. i know it's not a try harder thing, but i think just not being able to hold down my own thoughts is just not fun. i feel very confused...and im not even sure what about. it's just a feeling. that i've probably gotta take up with God.

sorry for this jumble of thoughts, it's all that's coming to mind right now. and don't worry about me, i'm just trying to sort things out.

♥nicky

the last leg.

here i am, in the last leg of the race.

not sure how i'm going to make it to the finish line, but it's coming--with or without me. i have a massive project, a final assignment, and a final standing between me and the close of my college education. 2 of the 3 will be due exactly 1 week from today. 

i'm gasping for air, i don't know how i'm going to do it.

for the first time in college, i'm actually struggling with my grades. i've come so far, and it'd be truly depressing to drop in the last quarter of my last year. so i'm working my butt off, doing what i can. it's tough though, and i'm barely hanging on. 

i keep reminding myself, this is the last leg. especially this week. in 7 painstaking days, most of it will be ALL OVER. i need strength though.

and that's where God comes in. in fact, God needs to be all over this, and every aspect of my life.  sometimes i feel as if it's passing me by... i'm feeling all these things, wanting to spend true quality time with the Lord, but the circumstances just aren't letting me. i map out my schedule everyday. and it goes hour by hour. person by person. work by work. i'm trying to do so much, i forget that sometimes i just need to breathe. haha ironic--again, as my blog title comes to mind over and over again. i'm still learning, still walking through it.

lately i've been just trying to assess what i want. that's a hard thing to discern. who truly knows that they want? if you do know, then you are very blessed. because i certainly don't. i have so many major major decisions to make within the next few months, and it's driving me crazy. and to be honest, i really haven't sought God on them as much as i'd like to. maybe i need a get away? or maybe i just need to make time.  either way, something's got to give.

just a lot on my plate, and a lot on my mind. maybe it's end of the quarter blues. who knows. but what i do know is that i need to get through this. the rest will follow. the Lord's got me.

♥nicky

i love love love, love love iration.

hooo my goshh. can i just say. that i am in LOVE?!

this weekend i went to SLO to see them (finally) play with passafire & the expendables. last time jo and i tried to see them at West Beach Fest but sadly we left a little late & ended up listening to them from the line =/ we were CRUSHED.

so this was huge for me. and not to mention, they have a new album coming out in 2 weeks so i was stoked to hear them play some of their new songs!

anyhoo, the show was AMAZING. so good live. can't get ENOUGH. i could do without the punch i got to the face though...dang moshers. i'm just a little girl. and it's an effing reggae concert! who moshes at something so chill?! kind of annoying. but oh well. we held it dowwwn. (minus the getting punched part. ha!)

so and thennn. after the show, i got to MEET them! they asked if i was coming to their cd release and HECK YES i am! and then they signed my cd. haha i was very starstruck you could say. haha ask sarah eunice & mark. HAA.

but yeah, all in all i had a more than successful weekend in SLO. i miss it already. gotta get ready for the next show now. :) CD RELEASE BABY!

time for bed now though. til next timee.

♥nicky