today i found out i got accepted to go on the epic hawaii summer project 2010. it was such a pleasant surprise waking up to this e-mail, knowing that God has chosen me to be used this summer as a part of the epic team :)
now my planning process can truly begin! in the near future i'll be looking into flights, writing my support letter, brainstorming fundraising ideas, and just getting ready to go.
i couldn't be more stoked, more excited, and more in love with God. this summer will surely be one i will never forget. i can't wait to be out and about, everyday sharing God's great story to the untold world. ♥
but on the flip side... just 2 days ago it dawned on me, that maybe returning to cali for a month after summer project ends may not be the best idea. especially for me economically. which means. i will be buying a one-way ticket and IT'S FORREAL NOW. 3 months and counting until i am no longer a cali resident. and as excited as i am to embark on this new adventure, i must admit that i'm really quite sad. i'll be leaving my friends, family, boyfriend, dog, and comfortable life in less than 100 days.
each day now seems to mean so much more, and each day is just a reminder of how i truly need to live this last quarter up to it's full potential. i just hope that people will want to join me. i know the world does not revolve around me, but i really do hope people will remember how soon it is that i'm leaving. or how important it is to me that we spend time together. which is why i'm starting to think that i may not take on another job. so that i'll have time to spend with the people i love. i just pray that they'll make time for me too.
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so i wrote all that above the line before i went to the prayershed. and now i'm back. and i couldn't be more jumbled up. i felt like i was trying so hard to get in this groove with God, to really listen to Him, seek Him, and just be intimate with Him. but the whole time, i felt like my thoughts were so scattered, that i was all over the place, and that i was just not reaching this place of worship that i had hoped for. i don't know what's wrong with me sometimes. i truly want to trust Him, follow Him, and just be obedient in my walk. but i feel as if i can't even pinpoint those things because my mind is everywhere.
i'm constantly jumping from one thought to another, trying to reach some solid ground.
and to be honest, it's getting a little frustrating. i know it's not a try harder thing, but i think just not being able to hold down my own thoughts is just not fun. i feel very confused...and im not even sure what about. it's just a feeling. that i've probably gotta take up with God.
sorry for this jumble of thoughts, it's all that's coming to mind right now. and don't worry about me, i'm just trying to sort things out.
♥nicky
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