if only.

if only we knew what God has in store for us. if only we knew what the future holds. if only.

do you ever think about that? if only i knew, i could make a better decision.

but that's what's funny about the whole thing. we were never meant to know. the truth and the foreknowledge is far too much for any of us to handle. that's why only God knows. and that's the way it should be.

however, times get tough. and we're faced with many many crossroads throughout life. sometimes we just wish we could have a little help, a nudge in the right direction. but i guess that's where faith comes in. and trust.

i'm trying so hard to follow God's lead, watching for Him to show me what His plans are for me. although that's the thing. maybe i shouldn't be looking. maybe i should be waiting. as in, waiting on the Lord. i've never been good at that. the thought of just waiting for the unknown is quite daunting if you ask me. but maybe that's what i need right now.

i'm so scared. scared to make the wrong decision. scared to lose. scared of change.. but i'm oh so willing--as long as it's what the Lord wants. this is truly putting my faith to the test. i wonder how i'll know. and if i'll make it through. i guess i can only put my trust in God.

so i'll admit it. i'm struggling. struggling with this huge decision. and i need prayer. not really wanting to talk about it, but please pray. pray for patience, pray for humility, pray for willingness. pray for a listening ear. and pray for love.

proverbs 3:5-6. trust in the lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

amen.